A psychiatrist in my physician retreat sends me this e-mail:
Pamela, get this—after saying that I’d need to make up for my ‘lost time’ on production since I’m quitting my job and taking off for our retreat, the Head Suit calls me today and begs me not to quit. I’m talking shamelessly groveling, tail-between-the-legs PLEADING in this phone call:
Suit: “Don’t leave. Please. I don’t want you to go.”
Me: “Um, okay.” Wasn’t sure what to say to that. Totally different attitude than when we were talking 3 days ago about my subpar “production.”
Awkward silence.
Suit: “Is there anything that would keep you here? Anything?”
Me: “Well, um, honestly?”
Suit: “Of course! I want you to be totally honest.”
Me: “Okay. Then no.” Pamela, this whole process is crazy-making. I feel like I’m in my abusive first marriage all over again! But at least I got nice flowers and makeup sex out of that!
After reading her above e-mail, I reply: “Can I publish this?
Her response: “Oh HELL YEAH!!!! I would be completely and utterly honored. But please include one final note:
Dear Suit: Word to the Wise: Don’t ever try to mind-fuck a psychiatrist. Sincerely, Dr. Out-The-Door”
Pamela Wible, M.D., is a family physician and founder of the ideal medical care movement. Watch her TEDx talk on ideal care. If you’re a doctor, join the physician teleseminar and learn how you can stop taking this shit and start practicing real medicine. Photo by GeVe.
Just outstanding!!
Is there hope for us future docs?!?
YES!!!!!!! You can’t be a victim and a healer at the same time. Choose one. Follow the docs who are not victims. There are many of us out here!!! <3
On the subject of abusive marriages, I sometimes wonder how many physicians are or were (like me) in abusive marriages. About nine years before I finally left him, I left the psychiatry program in which I was a first year resident. I wasn’t ready to talk about it in our weekly group, where I feared I would be judged (as I judged myself) for not having left him as soon as the violence began though I was not ready to make that step. I switched to family medicine where they had no such group and became a successful teacher of family medicine—even lecturing on that very subject— before I finally had the courage to leave.
Talking about intimate partner violence remains another great taboo among healers who are trained to hide their own wounds.
Thank you. Great points.
Same can be said about abusive medical boards