Humanizing medical education: How to grow a happy doctor →

Pamela Wible, M.D., speaks to 500 medical educators at AACOM (American Association of Colleges of Osteopathic Medicine) on April 7, 2016. Thought provoking & funny. Fully transcribed below: (Note: Video contains scenes from documentary film, DO NO HARM.  2016 Copyright Symon Productions, Inc. All Rights Reserved).

Dr. Stephen Shannon: Good morning, everyone. To continue our deliberations from last night’s presentation by Dr. Aviad Haramati on the theme of this year’s conference and the topic of resilience, it’s my distinct pleasure to introduce this morning’s plenary speaker, Dr. Pamela Wible. She is a board certified family physician who received her medical degree from the University of Texas Medical Branch at Galveston and completed her residency program in family and community medicine at the University of Arizona.

Born into a family of physicians, they warned her not to pursue medicine. She soon discovered why. Quickly disenchanted with the assembly-line model of patient care, instead of giving up on medicine, Dr. Wible decided to reinvent it for herself and for her patients. She held a series of town hall meetings in her hometown of Eugene where she asked people to describe their vision of an ideal medical practice.

Three months later she opened a clinic designed entirely by her community. In her innovative populist-designed practice she now works part-time and sees patients for as long as an hour at a time. Open since 2005, Dr. Wible’s community clinic has inspired others to create ideal clinics and hospitals of their own nationwide.

Her innovative model is now taught in a number of medical schools and featured in Harvard School of Public Health’s newest edition of Renegotiating Health Care, a text examining major trends with the potential to change the dynamics of health care. She speaks widely on health care delivery and is the best-selling author of Pet Goats & Pap Smears and Physician Suicide Letters—Answered.

Dr. Wible has experience in traditional and complementary healing modalities and explores the emotional, spiritual and physical realms of disease with her clients. When not treating patients, Dr. Wible devotes herself to medical student and physician suicide prevention. Many of her articles have been picked up by major news outlets such as NPR and The Washington Post.  Her work on physician suicide was the focus of a prime-time segment of America Tonight. She most recently provided a presentation nationally through the TEDMED program in November, which hopefully you all will have had a chance to look at as it was distributed. That program is available to all of our osteopathic medical programs.

An inspiring leader and educator of the next generation of physicians, Dr. Wible has been named one of the 2015 Women Leaders in Medicine by the American Medical Student Association. Please join me in extending a warm AACOM welcome to Dr. Pamela Wible.

Dr. Pamela Wible: Wow! Love all these smiley faces early in the morning. I have a question about last night’s plenary. Who was there? Just raise your hand if you were there. I’m just curious was I the only one that was crying during that talk? Did anyone else have even a tear drop from their eye? Raise your hand. I’m just curious. Mostly women, yeah.

I couldn’t even sleep last night, trying to figure out why was I crying during the meditation (which meant that I really didn’t do very well during the meditation because I was distracted). I think what came to me is that it was just so beautiful to finally be in a room of medical educators, like 500 of us all meditating together for medical student mental health. I didn’t know I was going to witness that in my lifetime. I didn’t see that happening at my medical school of origin in Texas. It was beautiful.

I’m really honored to be here and I feel just a sense of optimism knowing that so many of you are as passionate as I am about medical student mental health. Welcome, officially, to my talk which is more of a conversation. I really don’t want to sit and talk. I would prefer to hear from you all, and there will be a lot of opportunity to interact and to ask questions and such.

The topic is “Humanizing Medical Education: How to Grow a Happy Doctor.” What I thought last night that was so interesting about this (and I didn’t quite get this when I came up with the title) but it’s amazing and actually very incredible what we’ve discovered in modern medicine and what we’re able to do. We can do lung transplants. We can map out the human genome. We can grow organs in laboratories. But we haven’t quite figured out how to grow a happy doctor. Isn’t that interesting how many cool things we can do, but we haven’t quite figured that out? We’ve figured out how to grow an unhappy doctor. We’re really good at that. We’ve figured out how to grow unhappy medical students. 

I would like to invite you all to just interact with me from your perspective. It’ll really help me because I’ve heard from the medical student perspective. I hear from patients all the time—the end result of not having happy doctors and medical students. You’re actually a really new crowd for me. I haven’t been able to hang out with medical educators since I was in medical school. I really value your input and your insight into this topic because it’s going to take all of us together to really do a good job with reforming and humanizing medical education.

I want to promise you one thing with my talk today (and our conversation) which is that by the time you leave here you’re going to have at least 2 to 3 actionable items that you can put into practice on Monday morning at 8 am at your medical school, that will transform the culture of your medical school. It won’t require funding, it won’t require having a committee meeting. You won’t need to get approval from anyone. I’m going to give you the sneaky, kind of secret, stealthy method of basically revolutionizing your medical school, and you don’t need approval from anyone. How does that sound?

I’m so confident that we can come out with this (that you will leave here inspired with at least 2 actionable items) that I thought last night, “You know what I’m going to tell them? That if you don’t leave here with 2 actionable items, I will refund your money for this conference.” That’s how certain I am that you’re going to leave here with some actionable items. But I need your help, because I can’t afford to refund everyone’s money. What I need you to do, this is my promise to you, and I would like you to promise to me that you will interact with me during this conversation, that you will share your thoughts, your feelings, any epiphanies that come up, because again, this is a group effort. We’re not going to solve the medical student mental health and physician mental health issues by being passive and just sitting in our chairs.

I would love to invite you, obviously, to put any distractions away, like Facebook, cell phones, and stuff. I do want you to take maybe some notes, just epiphanies that you have during our time together, a thought that comes up. At any point, I want to invite you to ask me a question. You don’t have to wait until the end, if there’s something that really inspires you or worries you, or a concern you have, just go up to the microphone and ask me a question at any point. I will stop and address your questions.

I have been studying physician mental health now and what makes doctors and medical students happy for 11 years. This is what I love to do. I’m sure you can feel my passion for this topic. I would appreciate for you, if there’s an opportunity to share something with a neighbor, please share from your heart. I’ll tell you, I sometimes get coaching before I do public speaking especially in the TEDMED thing. They made me memorize every word and do it like a Broadway show. I got some advice, some coaching, before I came here to speak to you all. The coaching I got was from a medical student named Jamie (who’s an osteopathic medical student in California). She told me what I need to do is not worry about messing up and just open my heart and speak to you all just like we’re having a one-on-one conversation. That’s what I’m going to do. There’s no PowerPoints. I’m not a PowerPoint person. I’m not going to show you any graphs or charts or anything like that. I’m going to tell you real stories of things that I’ve seen and witnessed and messages that medical students have for you that we would like you to hear.

In order for this to work the best, I need for the first 3 rows to have no empty chairs. Who would like to come up and fill the chairs? Raise your hand if you’re on the first 3 rows, and there’s an empty chair next to you. This is a great opportunity to just grab a seat up here. Thank you. This is the type of topic, again, that we’ll … That I ask for you to get up out of your seat and take a risk and sit close to me. I’m very nice. I don’t bite. The reason why it’s so important to sit towards the front is I have prizes for people in the first 3 rows. You’ll get many more of the prizes. You’ve kind of got to claim your seat in the first 3 rows. There’s about 5 more seats left, please come on over. Thank you. I brought a table of prizes here. I guess they’re more like bribes to try to help people get up out of their chairs and participate. This is going to be fun. Look, there’s 4 more chairs, 5 more chairs. Thank you so much, everyone for working with me. You might get to meet somebody that you haven’t met yet if you just … Two more, one in the front.

How I’d like to start is by celebrating the fact that we already have 6 people in the room who’ve won a prize. You might not know it yet, but you’re going to find out real soon. I’d like everyone to stand up. We’re going to meet the winners and what you’re going to have to do is look under your chair, really far under your chair. There might be something taped under your chair and that’s your prize. The people in the first 3 rows have … Did you find it? You can turn your chair over. Oh look, she got one. I can’t wait. Go ahead and open it. Open it, and let’s see what you’ve got. Open it all the way up. Wow, what a … Just tear it open, and the winners I need you to come up to the front. What’d you get? She got a $100 bill and a Starbuck’s card. All right, come on up. I told you, it was really worth coming up to the first 3 rows. Do we have all 6? Everyone, raise your hand with your award, and come on up to the front. Bring it with you. Thank you. I just wanted to meet you, all right, great. $50 bill, Starbuck’s card, all right. Let’s hear it for these people, all right, wonderful. Uh-oh, there’s only 5. Somebody didn’t get one. There’s one left. There’s only 5 people standing up here. Keep looking, keep searching.

The reason why I do that is not … I like to have fun, I think you probably get that from me. I’m a fun person. It’s fun for me to give prizes, but the thing that I do is I feel like people, what it says on there is, “You’re a winner.” I think that’s what I wrote, “I’m a winner,” or “You are a winner”? Everybody should feel like a winner just for showing up. Right? It takes a lot to get up in the morning and come sit in the first 3 rows. I don’t think that we necessarily appreciate people enough for just showing up. This is something that I take into my office. I have a cute little clinic, where I see patients for 30 to 60 minute visits. I actually have patient appreciation days when every patient gets a balloon and a little prize when they come in. They don’t know it’s going to happen, and they’re so excited because who knew that they were going to get a prize from going to visit their doctor, right? Then I have (as if that’s not enough) a gift basket by the front door of my office, where I have additional prizes for people who’ve lost weight or quit smoking, or if I happen to see in the chart it’s their birthday today, I’m already prepared. I can give them a gift if it’s their anniversary. Sometimes, I get gifts from patients that I don’t really need, like baby clothes. I never had kids, so I put that in a gift basket, because there might be other people that come in with kids, and then I send that along. It kind of circulates the love, and it celebrates people, and it makes people feel special.

I believe everyone needs to feel like they’re a winner. Think of the world we would have if everyone felt like a winner, just for showing up and giving it their best. What would that do for medical student morale?

I want to tell you a little bit more about what medical students feel when they get into medical school. I want to see if I can … Let’s see if you can raise your hand if you are currently a medical student. Raise your hand. We’ve got a whole bunch of them there and a few here. Great! I’m going to come back to you. How many of you used to be a medical student in your life at some point? How many of you have never been to medical school as a medical student, but you hang out at medical schools? All right, so most of you have no idea what it’s like to be a medical student, but you probably sense that it might not be that easy all the time.

I’d like to have 3 medical students raise their hand who, if you can remember … Can you remember what it was like when you got the letter in the mail that said you were accepted to medical school? Can you remember that and how excited you were? I need 3 very excited medical students to come up here and take a seat, and share with us how exciting that was that day when you got into medical school. We’ll just pass this around, and just briefly, what were you doing, and the excitement, the joy?

Jessica: Good morning. My name’s Jessica Palmieri. I’m in my third year at Michigan State. I was on a train. I got an email when I was on a train going to visit my family in Kansas City. I had WiFi for no time, and then I had WiFi for 30 seconds, and that’s when I got the email, and I was really, really excited, and then I was panicked because I was like, “Oh no. I’m going to be a doctor and that’s a huge responsibility.” That was my second thought.

Pamela: If you could just complete this thought: Why were you so excited? Did you have some sort of a dream? Or did you see some sort of a destiny that was now possible for you because you got that text or email or however they’re telling people these days?

Jessica: I’m going to be a pediatrician, maybe in the NICU, and I’ve wanted to do that since I was really little. When I was 5, I had this little journal, and I did these little squiggles, and then I had like equals cancer (like cures for cancer) and then I had it for like AIDS. I was 5. I wanted to be a physician for my whole life, and then when I finally got that email . . .

Pamela: It made your dreams come true! Wow. Let’s hear it for her. That’s beautiful.

Female student: I’m [inaudible] (please email me if you know this woman’s name), I’m a third-year medical student at Alabama College of Osteopathic Medicine. I’m sorry I had to go after Jessica, and I’m sorry you have to listen. When I first realized that I was going to go to medical school, I actually got a phone call from the dean of students, and I was asleep. Class got cancelled, you know how that goes. My phone rang and normally I don’t answer my phone, but I looked down and I answered my phone. They said, “Hi, how are you, congratulations, you’ve been accepted.” I got the phone call, which was followed up by an email. I’m not a morning person at all, but I was wired after that. I was so excited. I just couldn’t believe it was all happening.

Pamela: What was your dream? What did this make possible for you?

Female: Kind of like Jessica, I wanted to be a physician since I was little. I was actually inspired by my rural, small-town family medicine doctor. The first day I came in he said, “She’s going to be a doctor, right?” “Yeah, I can do that.” I was a rambunctious child. I was going to be a ballerina, astronaut or a doctor or a lawyer. I was like, “I’m going to be a doctor.” I’ve wanted to be a doctor ever since I was 8 years old, and just to get that call to say, “Hey, now what you’ve been wanting to do since you were a child is finally coming true.” It was awesome.

Pamela: Beautiful.

Stephanie: Hi, I’m Stephanie and I’m a third year at Marshall University School of Medicine, but I’m actually taking a break. When I got my letter, I had just finished working out in the gym, and I almost did a flip on the wall in the locker room. I was so excited. I started texting and calling everybody (and of course everyone’s at work so no one’s available). That was wonderful. It was a stepping … It was seeing the pieces coming together, and achieving your dream. I also wanted to be a ballerina too, but I passed 5’6” and I realized that dream was never going to come true.

Pamela: What is your dream in medicine? What was the dream that came when you got that letter you said, right? What did that make possible for you?

Stephanie: An email, sorry.

Pamela: An email, sorry, yeah.

Stephanie: It meant that I could start my journey. I could start. I wanted to be an orthopedic  surgeon. I love that field, and it meant I could start.

Pamela: All right, let’s hear it for our wonderful medical students. You get a prize. You can pick whatever you want. How about that? Look, we’ve got Pet Goats & Pap Smears books, very good. We’ve got physician … We’ve got little stickers, we’ve got little bags with … By the way, in the bags, and in many of the gifts, there are seeds for produce. You may wonder, what does this have to do with growing a doctor? I didn’t originally get this, until I put these bags together this morning. I was like, “Oh wow, good metaphor.” I hand out seeds to my patients during … Instead of just saying, “Eat more fruits and vegetables,” I hand them a packet of seeds and give them instructions on how to grow it, even if it’s on their balcony of their apartment building. I think it’s nice to show people, instead of just tell people. Whatever you like, there’s Starbuck’s cards and stuff in there. You can get more than that, if you want something else. There you go, all right.

I have to admit, I absolutely love medical students.

 I think they’re the coolest people in the world, especially right before they get into medical school, and maybe like the first week of medical school. They’re like awesome. They’re so alive. Their dreams are on fire. Come on, you’ve all seen it, right? The reason why I love medical students is because I think they make me a better version of myself. You have these … They’re like these super-curious humanitarian sponges, right? They just follow you around, and they want to know everything you know. Is that cool or what? Your own kids could care less, right, but medical students follow you around. They want to know everything from why you ordered that lab test which makes you wonder, “Why did I order that lab test?” They want to know every little detail and it’s just super cool, because some of us our spouses don’t even take that much interest in us.

It’s kind of cool to have somebody be really interested in your every move, and everything that you’re ordering and why with your patients. That makes me, because emotions are kind of infectious, because they’re so curious, it makes me more curious about what I’m doing. Who’s had that feeling, like you’ve got a curious medical student following you around. Does that kind of make you wonder, “What am I doing and why am I doing this?” It’s good, it’s like a safety valve or something. It’s good. Make sure you don’t do anything too stupid.

They’re very inspired, especially early on. They tell you, they want to work at the homeless shelter and start a clinic in the middle of a poor area in Arkansas, and they have all sorts of dreams. It makes you want to do the same thing. I always wanted to work in a homeless shelter and start a clinic for the poor in Arkansas too. You start to reassess, “Am I really doing what I was called to do?” These people are on fire and it’s great to just be around them.

The third thing, and I’m going to go out on a limb here, it’s probably unique to me, although I think the 2 other women that cried yesterday might feel something like this on occasion, so when I’m with medical students and residents, and it was super cool, the first time I felt this was with this gentleman here. Can you stand up and maybe tell people. This guy started my whole speaking career. I can’t even believe I’m seeing him again, so maybe. Hi. Do you want to tell people who you are?

Dr. Richard Terry: They know who I am.

Pamela: They know? OK.

Richard: Richard Terry from AACOM.

Pamela: You took a risk on me back in, what, 2005? It was kind of risky.

Richard: I read an article you wrote and I just cold-called you and said, “Come do grand rounds for us,” and you came across the country and did it. I can’t remember the topic exactly.

Pamela: It was “Create Your Ideal Medical Clinic.” Yeah. Thank you for that.

Richard: Thank you.

Pamela: This is something that I felt the first time when I was speaking to his group. I never told him this. I don’t need 2 mics, although I have a big message, and I want more people to hear it. This is a little odd. If it’s TMI, just cover your ears. When I’m speaking to medical students and residents, I have this weird feeling like I’m breastfeeding. I know it sounds really strange, and I have never had kids, and I don’t even know what breastfeeding feels like, and half the room doesn’t know either. It’s like, I don’t know, it’s like this love, nurturing energy. It felt like they were all baby birds, just sitting there like this. I don’t know how to explain it, but it was like I kind of felt high after that experience with his group of people there in upstate New York.

Richard: I don’t know if it was mutual like that.

Pamela: It’s just, I never had kids, so I don’t know, maybe … By choice, because it looks like it’s hard. There’s a lot of work to do when they’re young. I like them when they’re already talking, and they can ask you intelligent questions and you can have conversations, not just sit there and need stuff from you. Anyway, that’s why I love medical students.

Pamela Wible No Kids

Pamela: Now, a really interesting thing started happening when I started hanging out with medical students, is that I started getting fan mail from medical students. Like, he told me after I left that there were lines of people lining up at his office trying to figure out how to get in touch with me, how were they going to do the same thing. It just was cool. I got letters … I never got fan mail in my life from anyone else, but medical students. I got fan mail, and then I started feeling like they were asking me advice, and then I felt like I was running like a “Dear Abby” column for medical students. Then, I started getting all my Facebook friends are like medical students, my entire social circle has turned into medical students.

Then a few months ago I got this Facebook message. I’m going to read it to you, because it really impacted me. December 3rd, 2015: “Dear Dr. Wible, I’m not sure you read your Facebook messages, but feel compelled to thank you. I was finishing term 2 of med school and had a bottle of Xanax in my hand. I was ready, as so many of us are. I took 3 and then 3 more. I came across this link, ‘How to Graduate Medical School Without Killing Yourself,’ which I believe may have saved my life, and a couple of close friends who were also suffering. I’m near the top of my class, and praying for death to escape the trap I’m locked into. I was in true delirium from lack of sleep and fear of failure, studying in my sleep and waking up every hour in panic. Med school is doable, but why must it be taught in this format? I read your stories, and I’m just in shock, how many others feel like I do, or I feel like they do. Please keep sharing. You’re saving lives, friend.”

The back story on this is that I did a lecture in Lebanon, Oregon. I wasn’t invited by the school to do the lecture. I was invited by the medical students. There’s all these medical students who keep throwing … I feel like I have to keep throwing these life rafts constantly out to medical students. They’re begging me to come. The administrators haven’t invited me to the schools, but I’m really glad to be here, thank you. It’s one of the reasons I’m glad to be here, but the medical students keep inviting me, and I keep going and speaking for free, because they’re medical students. I don’t want them to have to go and like sell brownies door-to-door or whatever. They don’t have any extra money, so I go. It’s only an hour from my house. It’s a new school in Lebanon, Oregon. I spoke there. I did this talk, and I take all my talks and I put them online, because I feel like more people can benefit from them, than just the people who live down the street from me. This particular one got a lot of interest, like people were reading this a lot. I could tell on Facebook that there was just extreme interest in this topic. What I did is I’ve spent over $3,000 on Facebook ads to promote this lecture that I gave in Oregon, to a targeted audience of medical students to try to stop them from killing themselves. It looks like it was effective. I don’t know how many other people read this and were impacted the same way, but I’m really happy that I was able to save this gentleman and 2 of his classmates, but I feel like there’s got to be a better method than me sitting in Oregon, putting money on Facebook ads. There’s probably a better way to do this, but still, that’s one way that works.

Let’s see here … I kind of want to know, if you don’t mind, now that I have this out, what your reaction is to this. When I read this, did you have a reaction of some sort, some sort of thought or feeling? What I want you to do is just for maybe 5 or 10 seconds, just feel or think whatever that is, and I want you to turn to your neighbor, and I’d like you to just share what that feeling or thought is, that you had when I read this. Just take a minute and share, if you don’t mind. [crosstalk] If there’s some of you who don’t have a partner, you can keep sharing. Some of you might be sitting there because you’re in between 2 people that are talking on either side of you. Come on up here, I’m going to give you a chance to share with me. I need 3 people who are willing to come up and share some thoughts that you have. [crosstalk] I need 2 more brave people that are willing to share. This is a topic that won’t heal itself. This is one of those things where you have to get up and do something about this. Yeah, you can have more. I just want to give a big shout-out to Sharon, because she already won a prize, and she’s up here again, and that’s great. Go ahead, maybe introduce yourself and share what  . . .

Dr. Craig Lenz: Hi, my name’s Craig Lenz, and I’m the dean of the Alabama College of Osteopathic Medicine.

Female in audience: We love you, Craig, you know that.

Craig: I was the dean in California from ’99 to ’03, and it made me think about. There was a student that killed himself while I was dean, and I know we had a lot of people that wondered what could be done. Honestly, my background in emergency medicine is that I’ve kind of come to the conclusion that when people get in a deep, dark place, there’s nothing you can do to help them. At the same time, I’ve wondered if there is. It’s probably more on the prevention side of changing the culture, if we can do it. There’s so many pressures that students have, and pressures to pass boards and pressures on loans. When you said that, I just thought back to him. You feel pretty helpless when that happens.

Pamela: Thank you. Let’s hear it for him for getting up here.

Dr. Sarah Parrott: Hi, I’m Sarah Parrott and I’m in the division of primary care at Kansas City University. When I heard you read that statement it made me think about the students who are doing well, but not doing well enough in their own eyes. They come to my office and they close the door. I keep candy in my office so they can always say, “I’m going to Dr. Parrott’s office for candy,” and then they shut the door and start crying. They talk to me about how getting an 85 on a test (which beats the mean) is not good enough because they were an A student in undergrad, and they need to be getting high As so that they can match into whatever specialty. When we were talking about it, my colleague from medical school went to Des Moines University and graduated in 2002, and Sharon Thompson is here. She’s sitting next to me, and she wrote down, “They feel any failure is fatal.” I don’t know how we can get past that, but that’s exactly what I was trying to put into words that she wrote down. I told her, “Go up and say that,” and she’s like, “No, you do it.” I’ll give Sharon my prize.

Pamela: Okay, thank you.

Sharon: We have a similar situation because Tim and I were talking and he said, “I wonder why they feel trapped? What does that mean?” I said, “I’ll tell you exactly what it means.” A lot of students that I interact with as well (and I’m Sharon O’Malley from ATSU SOMA in Mesa, Arizona). One student came to mind really quickly, and he felt very trapped because he was third year, had so many loans that there were not many other jobs that would be able to pay that loan back, so that’s one trap, and then the family let-down of not being a physician and graduating is the other trap. This student was really contemplating not finishing, and wanted to leave and said his mother wouldn’t talk to him for 3 months because he wasn’t going to be a doctor. His wife was really planning to leave as well if he didn’t fulfill his goal for the family. He was always meant to be the doctor in the family since he was a little kid. He actually ended up being treated for clinical depression and he’s back doing a great job.

Pamela: Great. Let’s hear it for our brave physicians who can pick a prize. If you’d like to have another one, you can. I know it’s hard to get up in front of a group and to share something that’s emotional, but this is the exact territory we need to go into so that we can prevent these suicides. I want to share what happens, that’s even more difficult than sharing, although you’re very brave and courageous to have done this, by the way. Even more difficult, I think, than sharing, getting out of your seat here in Washington, D.C., at the Renaissance Hotel, is when you have to talk to the parents and tell them that their child died at your medical school. That’s really, really tough. I want to introduce you to 2 parents, who this month will be the one-year anniversary of having lost their beautiful son 10 days before he was supposed to graduate from A.T. Still there in Kirksville, Missouri. We can go ahead and play this clip, where you can see them. Dim the lights.

VIEW NEW MOVIE TRAILER: (old version transcribed below)

John Dietl: As soon as I lifted the garage door up, I smelled the fumes so my assumption was asphyxiation. I really couldn’t see into the car. I could just see his hand on his leg. He had taken precautions to put something over his head so that we wouldn’t see him.

Pamela Wible: Jumping off the hospital rooftops. Medical students that are found dead in the libraries at medical schools. Their suicides were like well-planned school projects. They’re straight-A students. They’re perfectionists. They’re very good at suicide and they know how to do it.

Hawkins Mecham: Knowing the anatomy, I knew that if you cut yourself on these arteries that you could bleed out pretty quick if you hit them.

Greg Mims: I took a more than fatal dose of benzodiazepine because my plan was to shut down 3 or 4 body systems. I had thought this through.

Kim Perry: There’s a lot of ways that physicians can get controlled substances and narcotics and abuse them.

Rhonda Elkins: Getting ready to graduate valedictorian.

Pamela Wible: Kaitlyn, she was like the perfect little girl. As a third-year medical student she overdosed by helium.

Greg Mims: I left a note in my pocket that read save me if you think I’m worth it.

Pamela Wible:  It’s like an extreme cry for help in a profession that’s wounded. If we had this number of patients jumping from hospital rooftops there would be an investigation in this country. Why are we not taking this seriously when these are doctors and medical students?

Keith Frederick: If a third of them are suffering from clinical depression and at risk for suicide or poor quality of life that should be known. That should be exposed.

Female student: Take a couple of deep breaths for me . . .

Kim Perry: The biggest risk is patient safety and quality of care. If you have somebody that is not functional either mentally or physically, then you can’t have good quality of care.

John Dietl: We were so proud and so ready to think about all the great things that this young man could do. He was tremendous. He was my best friend. We said when this very first happened we are not ashamed and we’re going to do anything we can to keep others from having to go through this because let me tell you, it’s hard.

Michele Dietl: I’m very angry that this has been such an issue for so many years. It’s the dirty little secret that nobody wants to talk about.

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Pamela: You can turn that off now. Before you think about this for too long, I want you to turn to your neighbor and just share what it is that you think you could be doing to prevent the next death, the next Kevin. What could you be doing now? The answer is not “Give the national suicide hotline.” The answer is not “Go see Jenny in the counseling office.” I’m asking you what you could personally do to stop this next suicide. If you can’t think of anything then maybe you can get help from your neighbor. Just take a minute to share what you personally think you could be doing. [crosstalk] I would encourage you to continue this conversation, which is obviously more than a 1 or 2 minute conversation. I would encourage you to continue to think about this, and to talk about this amongst yourselves, in your free time between sessions and such. I have 2 people that would like to share some information about what they’re doing, and what they personally feel like they can do to stop these suicides.

Maureen: Hi, I’m Maureen McAteer. I’m a third year student at Marian University College of Osteopathic Medicine, in Indianapolis. I have been honored to be on a task force this year called the Mental Health Awareness Task Force as part of the osteopathic mission to try to figure out a solution to this growing problem. As part of the task force this year we decided to study where we stand as osteopathic medical students. One of the items that we asked everybody in the survey was suicidal ideation. I’m honored to have Nate Prechak (someone correct me if I misspelled his name) who’s helping me on this project, talk about that.

Nate: When Dr. Wible had shared the letter she got about suicidal ideation, we can kind of jumped up and ran up here because in our study (which we’re going to be presenting on tomorrow) we measured a whole slew of different challenges and one of them was suicidal ideation. Of those who took our study, over 1,000 students had marked that they had suicidal ideation.

Pamela: Which was what percentage?

Nate: It was 10 percent of the respondents in our survey, which is over 1,000 students. We felt that that was so important to share because it’s not isolated cases that Dr. Wible had just read about. We found we were shocked that that is how common it is.

Maureen:  I think it’s . . .We’re going to talk about it a lot tomorrow at, what time is our talk, 8?

Nate: I think so.

Maureen: We’re going to talk a lot about what we found and it’s extremely interesting where we stand. The most important part is the solutions and that’s I think where we all come in. I think part of the solution is something that this physician this theme (hit on earlier) is this is a cultural shift that needs to occur. I think one of the things we need to focus on is shifting the culture from not accepting help or reaching out for help but encouraging students that it’s okay to reach out for help.

Nate: Something going along with this question, that we can all do is, we can just … Something we should not do, is that we should never make it seem like we should not be seeking help. Any sort of subtle comments you might make that’s what might stick with students. We encourage the comments like that to stop, so students do feel safe to reach out for resources when they need it.

Pamela: Wonderful, all right, get a gift. I want to share what I’m doing to stop this. I’ve now received hundreds of letters from suicidal physicians and medical students, so many that I was able to do a 13-minute TEDMED talk just filled with reading letters. I’ve gotten so many letters that I have a book called Physician Suicide Letters. I wish I didn’t have to write a book called Physician Suicide Letters, but I have so many letters that I don’t know what to do with them anymore so now I’m writing books. Just to let you know, this is a very uplifting book. You wouldn’t think that because of the title, but there’s 53 chapters. 6 of the people have died, 3 are their actual suicide notes published. The rest of them are people who are actively engaged with the idea of should they or shouldn’t they? This is my response to letters that I’ve received back and forth. It’s almost like a book form of a physician suicide hotline because that’s another thing that’s happened as a result of me taking an interest in this topic, at a time when not very many other people have taken interest in this topic … I went to 9 marketing conferences last year, by the way, trying to figure out, “How do you reach guys?” (because it’s mostly men that are dying, by the way). My informal analysis of like 263 cases that have come to me, for every one female we lose 7 men. This is just my data, but that’s a lot. We still have a profession that’s skewed towards men (like 2/3 of practicing physicians are male) but still, for every one female to lose 7 men, how am I going to reach them, or how are they. How am I going to entice them to call me? Should I wear a different color shirt? What should I do? Should I wear less glitter? I don’t know, but I’m trying to figure it out. So I went to these marketing conferences. It’s so funny because they’re like … They ask the audience about competitors and it’s like, “Well, if you don’t have any competitors, raise your hand.” I don’t have any competitors. Nobody is competing with me on this topic. I would like to maybe have more people do something, but essentially this is why I end up doing this hotline. 

I have people calling me and emailing me, and sending letters from all over the world, not just the United States. This is a global phenomenon. There’s 8 doctors that we lost in just my town, 3 within a year and a half. I live in a town of 150,000 people. I lost both the men I dated in med school to suicide, not during medical school, but to open the alumni magazine soon after graduation and see my anatomy partner’s name on the obituary, it just really sucks. I also couldn’t find out for years why he died, because of course, the family won’t talk about it. Years later, I found out it was an accidental overdose, and so was the other guy I dated in medical school, accidental overdose. Doctors don’t die by accidental overdose because we dose drugs for a living. That makes no sense. Let’s start telling the truth. If we didn’t tell the truth about ebola or HIV and just hid the bodies, where would we be? Let’s just tell the truth and the truth is that I’ve been going to a lot of funerals.

I went to this funeral for a woman named Rhonda, a beautiful woman who was just incredible. I was standing there. I had many conversations with her before she died. I’m standing there with her whole family, in a rural town in North Carolina, with my hand on her casket, kind of having my final conversation with her. It’s very surreal, because here’s her casket, and then the mound of dirt, and how they put the little fake carpet thing down, whatever, how they set it all up. Over here is like the headstone for Kaitlyn Elkins, her daughter, who was a third-year medical student, who died by suicide. It was her voice you heard on there saying, “Kaitlyn’s going to graduate as valedictorian.” Rhonda couldn’t deal with the grief of losing her star daughter, and so she died by suicide. I’m at a double suicide funeral that also . . . The thing is, this is such a sweet family. They are not vengeful. They don’t want to sue the medical school, although gosh, I might want to, if I lost half of my family to medical school. The thing is, they’re a sweet, nice family. I asked the husband Allyn, I spent the whole day with the grandparents and everyone, the aunts and uncles, and I’m sitting with Alan Elkins, who now lost his wife of 33 years and his daughter. I asked him, “If your daughter worked at WalMart, do you think she and your wife would still be alive?” This guy is like the sweetest guy who would never blame anyone for anything, and he said, “Medical school has cost me half my family.”

This is a serious problem, and it’s not just people that are dying. We’re putting people out into the world who have PTSD. We’re graduating them every year, and they might as well kind of be halfway dead. They’re not all the way there, right? We lose 400 physicians per year to suicide, and that’s not including … That’s like the size of an entire medical school, that we lose every year to suicide. What about the medical students? I don’t even know the numbers there. Somebody told me 75 a year, I read somewhere else 150. Why aren’t we tracking these? You certainly know, when they’re not paying tuition, that something happened, right? They were here last year, and they paid tuition, and here, now they’re not here. What happened to them?

It’s not like … We’re up in everyone else’s business about whether they have guns in their home, and they’re wearing seatbelts, and what their cholesterol is. Then, you lose somebody in your medical school class, and you act like it never happened, or you lose a doctor who jumps off the hospital. It’s very bloody on the sidewalk and we pretend like that just didn’t happen, but then we want to make sure all the patients are wearing their seatbelts and all this other stuff.

This is very strange. Let’s start talking about what we’re going to do about our own people. You almost lost me to suicide. I was suicidal for 6 weeks, and I was normal before medical school. I’m not really normal, but I was the normal me before medical school. In my first year of medical school. I cry easily, obviously. I cried through the meditation yesterday. I cry when movies aren’t even that sad, because I’m just a feeling, emotional person. Let me tell you, I cried so much during my first year of medical school that my eyes sealed shut and I couldn’t even see. I had to feel my way to the bathroom. Why did I cry so much? I was seeing such barbaric behavior. I was seeing things that were just like … I felt like I went back in time 300 years into some sort of a dark age. It was very strange. I could do the work. The academics were not the problem. Just like this guy said, the academics were not the problem. It’s this culture where like we’re 300 years ago.

Actually, we are, because medical education is based on a 17th century philosophy of reductionism, Rene Descartes, right? That’s what we’re basing our whole Western medical education and Western medical system on, where reductionism … We’re just a really interesting bag of skin with a bunch of organs and isn’t it cool how all this stuff works? We’re very micro, micro. It’s really … We’re so micro we’ve lost touch with our hearts and souls. That’s where osteopathic medicine can shine, by the way, since you have on all your websites that you’re holistic, so just let’s do it, right? That’s one of the questions I want you to think about as you mill around for the next few days. Why are we still running our medical schools in 2016 off of a 17th century philosophy? Does that make any sense? Could that be why it feels like we’re in the dark ages?

I think I’ll just kind of rush through this a bit. My story is that I cried my eyes out in medical school. My mom and my dad, who are both physicians, of course I called them on the phone, and they were of no help. They were totally useless to me. I don’t know why they couldn’t help me. Maybe because they were traumatized too and they’re not in their bodies, and so they didn’t have the resources. What was pulled out of them they could not give back to me. My mom sent me Trazodone in the mail. That’s how we handled it. She sent me an antidepressants in the mail, because of course I was probably scared to go to anyone and so my mom sent me psych drugs in the mail which then I took and I didn’t realize how quickly you fall asleep on that, and I almost fell down the stairs and broke my leg.

This treatment for having this major depression due to seeing barbaric behavior among human beings when you thought you were going to medical school is not like an SSRI. That’s not the treatment for abuse. The treatment for abuse is not ADHD meds, it’s not SSRIs, it’s not Trazodone. The treatment for abuse is to say, “Oh, I think he might be getting abused. Let’s stop it. Let’s not do bullying and hazing anymore. Let’s call this what it is.”

And like meditation. I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. I’m Jewish so in a way I can say this, I guess, but if you taught meditation at Auschwitz it’s not going to help that much. They’re still getting abused. We’ve got to figure out, where is this coming from? To run around in circles with little things, which are cool to do, but it’s not going to solve it. It’s like giving somebody who is hypoxic oxygen, but you didn’t treat their pneumonia and they died, because their oxygen is going lower and lower. Let’s just get to the root of the problem, which is I think there’s things we’re doing in medical schools that are not quite right. I’ll leave it at that.

By the way, then what happened is I went to … My mom and I went to the same medical school. She wanted to go back to her 50th year reunion, which was my 22nd year reunion. I didn’t really want to go, but my mom didn’t want to go by herself, and it was kind of cool for a mother/daughter duo to go back to their homecoming reunion at the medical school. Driving there, on the way there, we both felt sick, like we were going to throw up. We almost had to stop on the side of the road. Why is that? I don’t know, PTSD? I don’t know like we’re going back to the scene of the crime, where we felt really bad 50 and 22 years ago, and it’s still affecting us. Can you believe that’s what we’re doing to people? That’s really tragic, that we’re holding this pain in that we experienced. Think about that for a while. It’s kind of overwhelming.

Residency, by the way, was very good. I went to a great residency, and I loved it. I chose a very humane residency that focused on behavioral health and not procedures. Family medicine. I loved it. Then, what made me suicidal … I was not suicidal in medical school, I was just extremely depressed. I couldn’t stop crying for most of first year. By the way, it got progressively better, and third year and fourth year were great, when I could finally get out from … I won’t go into everything that I saw first year that was disturbing to me.

I became suicidal after 6 jobs in 10 years. I was looking for my job. Now that I put all this energy in and I did 24 years of school without stop, kindergarten through the end of residency, and I was ready to finally be the doctor I’d always dreamed of and the only jobs available were factory work. I was at a Toyota manufacturing plant. If I wanted to do factory work and be an assembly-line worker, I would have just worked in an automobile plant, which apparently … In my hospital, by the way, there’s a whole section on Toyota manufacturing in the medical library which is like … They’re actually … I’m not just making this up. They’re running hospitals like Toyota manufacturing plants. That’s why it feels like I’m at Toyota, but that’s nothing that I had originally signed up for.

What I did is this really cool thing, and now we’re in the solutions. This really cool thing that I did is I went and asked my community. I didn’t know what to do. I looked around. Doctors were miserable. I looked at the patients. The patients are grumpy, because they’re not getting care that they need. I was like, “Nobody’s happy. Let me just ask the patients what they want, and let me put the end user in charge. Let me say, ‘I’ll do whatever you want as long as it’s legal, basically, just tell me what you want.” I had 9 town hall meetings over 6 weeks, collected this 100 pages of testimony, which I carried around with me forever. I slept with this. I read this at least 500 times. This became my Bible. This is my life plan. This is the community mandate. This is what people want and guess what? I was able to adopt 90% of what they wanted, and opened one month later with no external funding. Isn’t that amazing? I’m not rich.

It’s just really cool when you put … Hint, hint, hint … The end user in charge, maybe medical students should be in charge of designing their own medical schools, because we don’t always really know what we’re doing, and tradition is just a bad idea held by a lot of people for a really long time. I learned that from my attending in residency. Anyway, why don’t we with fresh eyes, young eyes, people in their 20s who are so excited about life, why don’t we put them in charge and ask them what they want? I started the process by interviewing 500 … I sent a survey out to 500 medical students before I came here. I asked them … I asked 500 medical students, “What are 3 things you’d like to tell your dean but are afraid to say? I’ll do it for you.” Raise your hand if you’re a dean of a medical school. Sorry to put you on the spot here, but here’s what I got back from Sam.

Sam told me … He was one of the first responses, and I thought it was really good, so I thought I’d share that one in its entirety, and then do kind of a synthesis of all the other ones. Sam says:

1)  Medical school is the single most unhealthy thing I have ever done for my body, mind and spirit. 

2) I was on zero psychiatric medications, and now I’m on more than one, and it’s my second year of medical school. 

3) The only communication the administration has with us is through fear-mongering, and the upperclassmen just tell us to get through it. It’ll be over soon.” 

That’s how a certain percentage of medical students must feel. It’s probably not just Sam. I have what I kind of wrote as the 10 commandments, the stuff that would be really cool to do, that’s not hard to do. Some of this stuff is pretty easy. You could do it on Monday morning at 8 o’clock, and just start doing what these medical students are asking us to do:

The 10 Commandments for Medical Educators

1) Teach leadership transformation and empowerment in the curriculum. Empower me, so I can empower my patients.” That makes sense.

2)  Stop creating an environment that encourages competition among students. 

3) Tell me it’s okay to cry in front of patients if it’s on their behalf. 

4) Ask what inspires me and ask how you can help me achieve my goals. 

5) Respect us as adult learners. Avoid condescension. Don’t revel in our ignorance. We want to learn. Try not to kill our creativity. 

6) Advocate for humane treatment of attendings. So many doctors have Stockholm Syndrome and see themselves as strong and capable, while seeing med students as whiny, lazy kids who need to grow thicker skin. They need to be cared for and educated so that they see themselves as survivors of abuse and empowered to break the cycle of abuse.

7) Be more concerned about your students’ wellbeing than damn step 1 scores. 

8) Provide emotional support for doctors and med students. Our wellbeing benefits the whole system. We are not the enemies here. 

9) Please don’t train me to forsake my humanity to be a better doctor. My humanity should be celebrated, enhanced and matured, not demeaned, degraded or insulted. 

10) Show me empathy.

I just got that pretty quickly from a bunch of students that I sent out an email to. I think you guys have access to way more students than I have. You could probably get them. You could do a town hall meeting at your medical school. Here’s a lightbulb idea, and you could ask the medical students to design their own medical school. You don’t have to do everything they say, but wouldn’t it be cool to read what they would write, if they could design their own medical school? Maybe they’d have some really good ideas, and maybe you could employ them right away, right?

Pamela Wible 1858

I want to just talk a little bit more about solutions. We’ve known that we have a high physician suicide rate since 1858 in England. That’s when I think it was first reported in the literature. Now, we’re 158 years later, and what have we done? Have we made much progress in this? I don’t think we’ve made very much progress. Every so often, there’s a newspaper article, and then it gets buried, or we show a chart and a graph, “Isn’t that interesting at a distance?” and then it gets buried.

What are we doing? We should be doing more, right? What are the solutions? Let me just start with the reaction that you have when you lose a medical student. I want to compare this to school shootings. Since 1980, we’ve lost 320 people in the United States to school shootings. That’s less than one year of the number of doctors and medical students that we’re losing. Look what they do for school shootings. They shut down the school. They let everyone go home. They put flowers on the doorstep of the school. They put teddy bears in the fence. They call in counselors from all over the place to come and help their students. They go to a local church and everyone’s holding candles. They’re on national TV and people are crying and hugging. We don’t do anything for medical students.

Pamela Wible School Shootings

Isn’t that a shame? I think it’s so sad, that we just … We’re up their butt on what their step 1 score is and doctors are scrutinized for if they spend one more minute in a room with a patient … I know doctors now have leg timers on like they’re in jail, that time the time they’re in the rooms. We are managing doctors like inmates in prison and the minute they die it’s like they never existed. “You know who that is? I never heard of them.” I just want us to focus on, why don’t we, here’s an idea, handle suicide deaths with the same honoring that we do when we lose somebody at a school for a school shooting? Why don’t we do that? That’s something to think about, instead of hiding it.

Here’s some really good solutions, at the end. You can ask medical students at your school for solutions. I’m sure they are overflowing with ideas on how things can improve. Look at the amazing work that Maureen McAteer. They’re already working on this, right? I would encourage you to ask them.

Here are 3 things that I think you should do. First of all, you can contact me whenever you want. I do want to let you know, IdealMedicalCare.org, contact me whenever. We’re probably not going to have time for Q&A. I thought I had until 9:30, and then they said until 9:15, but anyway, I want you to know that I will be, afterwards, if you don’t get a chance to ask your question, I will be in that Congressional Room B over there, and I will just hang out as long as it takes, and answer anyone’s questions on anything. I’m very committed to nobody leaving here with a question unanswered.

You’re welcome to hang out with me, and even come to my hotel room. I will hang out. I’m staying here the whole time until Saturday morning. You could just … I’m the one with the red hair. You can see me coming. Just grab me, and I am happy to talk about this, because the cool thing is, I think you guys want to talk about this. I’m almost losing my relationship with my partner because all I’ve talked about for 3 ½ years is physician suicide. He’s like, “This is really driving me nuts.”

People are calling me up, like patients, and they’re really worried about me because all my Facebook posts are on suicide. People are worried, “Is something going to happen to me?” I can assure you I’m fine, but I love this topic and I’m an obsessive-compulsive personality, and I won’t be able to get off it until we solve it. I’m hoping that you’ll help me, because otherwise, this could turn into what I do for the rest of my life, and I might want to move on to something else, I don’t know. I had other hobbies, and stuff I do before this. I covered my whole bathroom with mosaics … I saw a bumper sticker that said, “There’s a fine line between a hobby and a mental illness.” Every time I go in that bathroom with the little tiny tiles and the huge scene that looks like you’re on LSD I’m like, “Yeah, I might have a mental illness,” but that’s okay.

Another thing I think we should do, if we lose anyone to suicide, is do a psychological autopsy, or an M&M conference. If you have a suspicious death with a patient, then you all get together and try to figure out, “What could we have done differently?” Why don’t we do that when we lose a medical student, like have everyone … It could be healing. You could call in a counselor, it could be facilitated. We could try to figure out how to prevent the next one, that sort of thing.

Here’s the 2 or 3 easy things that you can do, so I don’t have to refund your money for the conference. One is that when you go back to medical school, whether you’re a student or an administrator, I would just love for you to start using the word “love.” “We love our students,” not just say it, not just put a tag line on your website, “We love our students,” but really open your heart and love your students.

I have these amazing gifts. Who’s an administrator here? I don’t think I gave a gift yet to administrators. I need 3 administrators to come up to the front. I have these really cool gifts, especially for administrators. Here you go.

Dr. Timothy Kowalski: I’ll take one.

Pamela: I want to explain what this is. These are … I went to the Dollar Store, really cheap. I got this book called “413 variety pack stickers.” They say things like, “Great job,” “Wow,” “You’re number 1.” Please reward the medical students in your life. You have 413 options for one dollar, and you could stick this on their little name tags when they come by. You could say, “You know, you’re doing a really good job today” and put that on their name tag. You’ll make their day, you know what I mean? Just simple stuff it doesn’t cost very much. I want you to love your medical students, as much as I love your medical students. Maybe, you’ll start to feel like you’re breastfeeding them or something. It’s a really interesting feeling, but if you start … I know we’re not supposed to use like “love” and “hope” and fluffy emotional words in Western medicine, but just try using “love” a little bit more. When you see a medical student just start thinking, “I love that you’re here at our school, and you’re a winner.” Everyone’s a winner, right? We want everyone to be a winner.

The other thing I want you to do is, why don’t you start thinking of your campus of your medical school as like a family. They’re going to all be there for 4 years with you. Would you treat your relatives like this? Maybe. Would you treat the relatives that you like? You want to treat them like your favorite grandmother and your favorite niece and nephew. These are just people. They’re just like me and you. They cry by themselves at night and nobody’s helping them. It’s so sad. I want you to have like a family atmosphere. It would be really cool the first day of medical school if you welcome everyone and say, “Welcome to the family. You’ve jumped through enough hoops to get here. We are here to support you and we love our medical …” Maybe you don’t want to say … I tell my patients, “I love you” all the time, but some people, boundaries. I heard that an OB/GYN had to go to special boundary classes because a patient gave him balloons. If you feel nervous being a man and telling a woman who’s not your wife, “I love you,” then maybe say, “We love you. We love our students,” and then just show the love. One way that you can all show the love, that’ll really help me get less calls on my suicide hotline, which I never wanted to start, and by the way, I have no suicide training. I never got trained in suicide, so I don’t even know what I’m doing, but these people keep saying I saved their lives, so I’m going to believe them, because they wrote me so they’re still here.

Pamela Wible

I’m just saying, anyone can do this. It takes no training. It’s just a matter of caring, and opening your heart to somebody, and listening to them, and just being available. I would like you all to go home, and start giving out your home and cell phone number to everyone at your school. Let them know, anytime, midnight, whatever, “You call me. I am here for you. You don’t have to call Dr. Wible in Oregon, although she’s there too, and you could do that, but I’m right here in the same city with you. You call me, and I’ll take you out for tea, or we’ll go sit and you can talk to me on this bench under this tree. I am here for you, and I’m going to do what it takes to make my …” This is what I want you to say, “To make my medical school feel like home, to make everyone at my medical school feel like a winner, and to open my heart to people.” It’s OK. It’s 2016. We don’t have to function like we’re in the 17th century anymore. I think that’s about it, but I’ll take questions. There’s more prizes here, and we’re out of time? We have 5 minutes for questions?

Pamela Wible

Dr. Donald Sefcik: Sure.

Pamela: Five minutes for questions, and to take the last few prizes. Who wants to ask a question? I’m sure there’s somebody that might be thinking something. Yes?

Dr. Shafik Dharamsi: Do I need to go to the mic?

Pamela: Come over here, yes, for a minute, sure, or just ask here or whatever.

Shafik: This is also more a comment. I’m sure some of you have read Michel Foucault’s “Medical Gaze.” What we tend to do, when we get all of our curriculum and our teaching, is we look out there and we don’t look at ourselves. That’s where the hidden curriculum is. So many of the things that you talked about today, perhaps reflect a hidden curriculum. On the one hand, we want compassionate, empathetic teacher physicians. On the other hand, the way we do things is perhaps antithetical to that, because the way we teach is to look out there before we look within. That’s just a comment. You can respond if you like.

Pamela: I think the answer to this obsession with data and stuff out there is to go into your heart and soul and to connect with each other at a heart and soul level. It’s really cool, all the … We can do lung transplants, and we can do all these things that we can do, but if we’ve lost our humanity, what’s the point anymore? All right, hurry, I have all these books. Any more questions? Yes, come. All right, this is going to be a massive book giveaway here. Questions? What’s your question?

Dr. Diane Karius: My question is, I see a lot of people, sort of the backlash against the trigger warnings and things like that. On Facebook, I’ll see something posted with a trigger warning, “If you’re sensitive to this issue, don’t look at it.” Then, I see a lot of backlash, “You’re not tough enough, you’re not …” How do I fight that message with the students who see that if they say anything, they’re not tough enough? They’re seeing it from a lot of different sources, not just the medical school source.

Pamela: What do you think is the right thing to do?

Diane: I know it’s the way I act and the way … My response is to hopefully be aware of the fact that they are in a place where that’s an issue, but I’m scared that I’m not seeing all of it. I’m not sure. My response, on my own personal level, is I’m disturbed by the “How dare you jump on someone else’s feelings?”

Pamela: I think honesty is always the best policy, honesty and kindness. I, when I first started talking about this, got a lot of backlash from a few older male doctors who were like, “You’re blowing this all out of proportion, shut up. We don’t want to talk about this.” I got reminded about media guidelines for talking about suicide, which apparently I break all of them, to the point where … It’s like, we talk about rape, we talk about everything else, let’s talk about the truth here. My mom is a psychiatrist. Every day, I would go to her house, because she lived in town for a while although she hated Eugene and moved back to Houston. I would ask her, the first thing she said, I’d go in her house, she’d be like, “Have there been any copycat suicides today?” People were accusing me, that I’m causing these suicides now by talking about it. It’s just like, I don’t know where this stuff comes from. One or two more questions, and a quick book here and then I’ll … I want you guys all to follow me to that other room, where we’re going to have a private party.

Female: I have a question.

Pamela: Oh, a question, right.

Female: I don’t know if it’s written here, you were saying if … When we were talking about memorializing the students who do end up going ahead with suicide, if there are students who are on the edge, and they feel like they’re not seen by their administration, or they’re being bullied or whatever, and we put out the teddy bears and the flowers, I don’t know, but will that make people who are on the edge say, “I want them to remember me like they remember Joe.” How do we deal with that delicate balance? I’m a student. I don’t have a training either. I think it would be important to make sure that we say the right thing.

Pamela: Yeah, right. This is uncharted territory, and so we have to walk into it. We’re all caring, compassionate people, somewhere very deep in there. I’m sure that together we could figure this out if we just had more information. Right now, we don’t have the data. We don’t have the information. I’m just collecting phone calls. I think the end goal, obviously, is to change the system so that we don’t have any more people that we need to put teddy bears in the fence for, kind of thing. I don’t really have the answer, but I know we can find it together. I think that’s my answer, is together is the way to go. One more thing and then I’m going to leave. I’m so sorry, this poor man wants me to leave.

Male: Just real quick, if we talk about people who tell students, “This is going to get tougher,” could we perhaps focus on bullying? Bullying has a lot more energy behind it, it seems like, than to talk about suicide. If we could reframe the discussion is that a possible way to get more activity behind it get some people behind bullying as a way to try to stop that as opposed to suicide?

Pamela: Right. And everyone is against bullying. It’s like, everyone everywhere knows that bullying is wrong. Whatever you feel gravitated to work on, if you want to kind of do a zero tolerance for bullying at your hospital or clinic, and maybe you can go to the Dollar Store, they have a whole section on anti-bullying. Just bring those and pass them out at your hospital, and see whether anyone’s doing bullying. They might not even understand this as bullying behavior, because it hasn’t been brought up to them. I’m going to peacefully step to the side.

Dr. Donald Sefcik: I’d love to give you the opportunity to ask Dr. Wible questions until noon. Unfortunately, it’s my job to try to keep us on schedule. Please engage Dr. Wible’s invitation. I will send anyone to her hotel room. I do have 2 housekeeping things that I was asked to talk about, but before I do that, Dr. Wible, I can’t speak for anybody in the room, but I suggest you put some hold dates throughout the summer for potential orientation lectures. 


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These parents lost their child. What they do next is amazing. . . →

Meet Michele and John Dietl. Here they are with their kids, Kevin and Diana:

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A prankster and life of the party, Kevin is dancing with his mom, Michele:

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On April 23, 2015, Kevin died by suicide just 10 days before he was to graduate medical school. Any death is tragic. Burying one’s own child is every parent’s worst nightmare. Michele and John were so excited to attend Kevin’s medical school graduation. Instead, they attended his funeral.

It’s what they did next that reveals who Michele and John really are. They invited the entire world to witness their unbearable grief, to watch their every tear fall from their eyes, to feel the transcendent power of their love—not just for Kevin—but for all the other children like Kevin who they could save.

One mom and one dad have helped us all understand why we are losing so many medical students and doctors to suicide through their words, their tears—their lives. This isn’t a movie script. It real life. Meet Michele and John—the most courageous parents I’ve ever had the honor to know in my lifetime:

Please help Michele and John prevent the next death by sharing their story in honor of the many brilliant, compassionate medical students and doctors who die while training to save others. Thank you.


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How to save a broken battered suicidal surgery resident →

April 22, 2016

Hi Dr. Wible, 

I am a third-year surgery resident at a massive academic center and a struggling wife… I have had an atrocious year and have thought of suicide nearly daily. Tonight I was actually searching for “painless effective suicide methods” when Google brought me to your article and TED talk. Thank you for talking about this. I feel less alone. I am still miserable and struggling and wishing the pain could end, but your talk made me feel less ashamed and alone. Thank you. It is very weird reaching out to a complete stranger, but I wanted to thank you and realistically your talk may have saved my life… At least for tonight when I was close to ending it.  

Sincerely,
A broken battered intermittently suicidal surgery resident

How to save a suicidal surgeon:

  1. Allow surgeons to ask for help. It’s a tough job full of trauma.
  2. Love and appreciate your surgeons. You may save your surgeon’s life.
  3. End the medical culture of hazing, bullying, and abuse. 

Letter published with permission. Please help shine a spotlight on this global crisis. Thank you.


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Today I lost 3 more doctors to suicide →

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I just woke up to a beautiful sunny day in Oregon. Then I got two emails about medical student/physician suicides and this Facebook message.

Student: Hi Pamela. I don’t know if you have heard. But there was a death at our school yesterday in the class of 2018. I’m hearing it was a suicide

Me: I’ve just heard of 2 others today. An orthopedic surgeon in Missouri and a Canadian med student. Can you share details? 

Student: Female student. I’ve learned an apparent first name. And she had a Muslim quiet prayer service late last night. Oh Pamela. My heart hurts. I begged my school to start looking after our students after what happened to me.

Me: I can’t believe we are hiding all this in 2016.

Student: Pamela, it’s ridiculous and so hush-hush. I know nothing officially.

Me: Many med schools are seriously in the dark ages the way the treat students and teach “heath care.” Infuriating!

Student: This story repeats itself every 2 years at my school. I’ve seen/heard suicides 2012, 2014 (that was my friend), and now 2016.

Me: And what exactly are they doing other than deflecting blame on the victims?

Student: Wtf. She will absolutely be blamed. It makes me sick

Me: I need to write about this. Can I include our de-identified conversation?

Student: Sure. I’ve reached out to anyone I know in med school now (and even premeds) to let them know that I am here for them. None of this is worth a life. None of it. And it makes me sick that my medical school is so absolutely crappy and shitty at dealing with mental wellness and wellbeing of our own students.

Me: Ugh, and we pay tuition for this!

Student: They are more concerned with board scores, matching stats, and being the biggest medical school in the US. 4th year medical students are getting more and more dismissed if there is a chance they may not match, I’ve heard that. So dismissed over maybe one test screw up or “professional issues” that never used to be. Match has gotten so competitive they have gone crazy with it. The malignant practices are disgusting. I know good people and they will be thrown under the bus. Many administrators here are incompetent. And some decisions come from people without an MD/DO. Ugh, I’m sorry, I’m upset and very upset this happened AGAIN at my medical school.

Me: 🙁

Student: I’m just so sorry that anyone may have felt that helpless. It hurts my heart. How is it ok to sweep this under a rug?

Me: We have to stop this secrecy. Please share my TEDMED talk with your classmates. Tell them it is NOT their fault. Huge issue is that med students and doctors are unwilling to grasp they they are part of a cycle of abuse. We are perpetuating the abuse by protecting the status quo. We absolutely MUST be vocal and stand up for each other. This is NOT okay to sweep under the rug:

Addendum: Just lost another colleague after I published this post. Midwest urologist shot himself in the hospital. When will this end? When we shine a spotlight on these suicides. Stop the coverup. We need a national investigation. More than one million Americans are losing their doctors to suicide each year. This is a public health crisis and should be reported on CNN, NBC, CBS, FOX news. Let’s stop hiding the truth.

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Pamela Wible, M.D., is a physician on a mission to stop medical student and physician suicides and end the culture of bullying, hazing, and abuse in medical education and practice. Please help by sharing this TEDMED talk and this book Physician Suicide Letters—Answered. ** All proceeds used for suicide prevention.**


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Medicine’s dirty secret—an interview with Dr. Wible →

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Medicine’s dirty secret. Dr. Pamela Wible interviewed by Dr. LaKeisha W. McMillan. Fully transcribed below. Listen on iTunes or download MP3 here.  Episode 68: “Shhh . . they want us to keep it a secret” with Dr. Pamela Wible.  (Note: Interview with Dr. Wible starts at 5:30)

LM: I talked about us stepping outside of the box here at House Calls with Dr. Mac and this week is really one of those moments. I was introduced to our guest through a mutual friend. I became aware of Dr. Pamela Wible through Facebook and started following her and I really connected with one of her soapbox issues some people would say, but really one of her passions. It’s an issue that she is championing and I was able to connect with her and the community that she is basically a tribal leader of and I was able to connect because she has been unearthing one of medicine’s dirty little secrets.

Dr. Wible is a family physician and she was born into a family of physicians who warned her not to go into medicine. She soon discovered why: in order to heal her patients she first had to heal her ailing profession. Fed up with assembly-line medicine, she held town hall meetings where she invited citizens to design their own ideal clinic. Open since 2005, Wible’s community clinic has inspired Americans to create ideal clinics and hospitals nationwide. 

Now what has she been championing? What does she need to heal within her ailing profession? One of those little tiny dark areas in medicine is physician suicide. 

She is the author of Physician Suicide Letters —Answered. In it she begins to talk about the culture of medical school and medicine and she begins to explain to us why it is that hurt and abused physicians can barely take care of themselves and thus they really can’t take care of their patients. And so she is starting a campaign to change the way healers are taught.

For years I tried to put into words my experience with medical school, residency and even my first practice and I just couldn’t formulate the words and put it into any type of coherent thought for someone who had not been through residency to understand. Reading her book and sitting down and talking with her, she’s put it all into words. So I invite you today to sit down and look at medicine through the physicians’ eyes.

This episodes has some explicit language so for those of you that have small listeners with you I ask that you use discretion. So let’s get started. Let’s sit down. Let’s have some conversations. Let’s connect these dots. Let’s get some straight talk.

LM: Welcome to House Call with Dr. Mac where you get a real doc with straight talk for the whole you. We are in downtown Washington DC with Dr. Pamela Wible and I have to say that this conversation is going to take me to places that I probably haven’t visited in a very, very long time because it takes me back to medical school, it takes me back to residency, it even takes me back to my first practice and going back to those places aren’t always so nice and bright and fun. Dr. Wible, we want to welcome you to the House Call community. Thank you for consenting in your busy schedule while you’re here from Oregon to sit down and talk to us today.

PW: Thank you for having me. I love, love this topic. I love talking to doctors. I love helping patients understand why they’re not getting the care they deserve and it all tracks back to our training and the way we’ve been treated in our medical practices. So I just want to talk the truth and I know you are somebody that’s really into that as well.

LM: Yes! Absolutely. We talk about connecting our health dots here in the house call community. We want for as a person allows us to come into their homes or on their walks, in the cars, or taking care of their daily activities and they’re listening to us and we’re allowed to come and make a house call with them that they’re able to hear individual’s health stories, health care provider’s and other expert’s perspectives on a topic and they are able to connect their own health dots and begin to experience whole person care. And what I like to do is connect the dots of how a guest came to this community.

I was introduced to you through social media and I was introduced through a dear friend of mine who I found out is actually chapter 52 of your book, Physician Suicide Letters —Answered. And as I followed you more and understood your passion and your platform and I just happened to see that you were going to be in my backyard, I said, “Oh my goodness, I don’t know, this is really a shot in the dark, but I’d really like to sit down with her.” And that’s how we’re sitting down today. So we’ve given a little bit of what we’re going to talk about today, but we’re going to talk about a subject that is a big hush-hush in the medical community, in our every day communities. We’re going to talk about death by suicide and we’re going to talk about physicians’ death by suicide. And can you tell me how did you become passionate about this subject matter? How did you even become passionate about physician death by suicide?

PW: Well it all started on October 28. It was 2012 and I was sitting in the memorial service for the third physician that we had lost in our small town in just over a year. And I was sitting behind his young children in the front row. He was a pediatrician who shot himself in the head in a public park in the middle of the day in my town, a top-rated doctor, and I am sitting behind his children. Just listening to everyone whispering “why?” and mourning. The whole community had come together to try to celebrate this man’s life and our loss. And I just kept hearing “why?” whispered in the bathrooms and as people we’re checking in and signing the little book. Of course, I was walking in with the why question too. But to hear all the whispering why, why, why around me I just started to really get deeply involved with that question during the entire time I was sitting there and then I started counting the number of suspicious death that I knew about in young doctors and I had filled up all 5 fingers on each hand and so then I thought oh wow the why for this is way bigger than this one man’s death. I think we have a coverup going on here. I think this requires a huge investigation. And I don’t think these people in this room have any clue as to what’s really going on here and so it just blew me away.

The other interesting thing is just 2 days before [his suicide] I had published my first book, Pet Goats & Pap Smears, which is just kind of like a “chicken soup for the soul” book for doctors with all fun stories of healing from my patients and my practice and all my house calls and fun things I do with patients giving them balloons and kissing people . . .

LM: Wow!

PW: . . . bringing them soup to their house and all the crazy things I like to do. Ya know, they call me the female version of Patch Adams only it’s a business model you can really make money with and it’s replicable because it seems people could really get into having a doctor like me. 

LM: Yep! we’re going to talk about that later.

PW: And so I came out with this book that was really supposed to revitalize my profession and help physicians find their joy and help patients find their joyful physicians and to have less than 2 days later another doctor kill himself on my town. I thought I guess a chicken soup for the soul style book isn’t really going to solve this problem. This problem within my profession is so far gone you can’t just hand people a book of fun medical stories. As a group we have PTSD. We have depression and a lot of us are walking around trying to plot our suicides during our workdays at our clinics and hospitals. 

LM: That is the truth! That is the truth! I took your book and devoured it in about 3 hours and I just kept turning the pages and turning the pages and there’s one story in there about an anesthesiologist and the reason that this came to mind is you’re talking about how we’re planning our suicides as we’re going through our workday. He was in a surgery and had just helped perform surgery as an anesthesiologist and then went and hung himself. And people are wondering what happened, what happened? And you made such a point in that story that physicians are high functioning people. We are functioning until our last breath.

PW: Right. We are doing complex surgeries, brains surgeries, orthopedic surgeries, and a two hours later we are in the back room shooting ourselves in the head. The whole topic of suicide is overwhelming for anyone. Even just one suicide is overwhelming. When you think of how many suicides there are just during our interview here happening around the world, it’s just incredible. I think the way to handle it is you pick out a subset—a demographic that you can deal with—like I totally understand now medical student and physician suicide. I understand why it happens. I understand how we can prevent it. I think 99% of these are preventable—and easily preventable. And so once you can focus on one target demographic and really solve it then you can extrapolate to veterans and transgendered and everyone else can benefit. I know a lot of people may think why should I care about physician suicide. I’m not a physician. Well let me tell you. You are going to need health care in your life and you don’t want the person controlling your ventilator to be sleepy, bullied, and plotting their suicide while they are trying to take care of you.

LM: Absolutely.

PW: Furthermore, I think we can all get behind the idea that why should we create a world with so much misery that people feel their only more comfortable and safest choice is to kill themselves. That’s quite a world we’ve created.

LM: Absolutely.

PW: The other thing that I had mentioned yesterday during my keynote to these medical educators is we’ve created a medical education system in which some people feel so out of their comfort zone in what we’re making them do and how we are training them that they feel like it is more comfortable to shoot themselves in the head than to finish medical school. 

LM: Yes.

PW: In residency too. I was asking these people in the audience to please get out of their comfort zone and help me solve this so we can finally talk about this and people resist coming to the stage and sharing from their hearts. I’m telling you it is much easier for you to get out of your comfort zones and help me solve this than to allow these residents to continue to be so far out of their comfort zones that they feel more comfortable jumping off a hospital rooftop in Manhattan to their death than going back to work tomorrow as an OB/gyn in their residency.

LM: Absolutely. I want us to go back a little bit. You were talking about how we’ve created an atmosphere, I have tried so many times to put into words residency, medical school, and the first time you get out there on your own that can house all of it. I used to say residency is just a pathological state of affairs.

PW: It’s like being in a cult.

LM: Yes.

PW: Like you’ve got sucked into a cult and you can’t relate to the rest of the world like everyone else does. You are not real normal anymore. It’s going to take years to recover from it. 

LM: Yes! And in your book you talked about the atmosphere of bullying. That we have created an atmosphere of bullying. A hierarchy in which we’re sleep deprived and we’re asking people to and I had totally forgotten about it until I read it in your book the pimping sessions that we have. Oh my goodness. I totally forgot about that. That is what we used to call them. People are like what, what do you mean, what are you talking about. So can you give us a little bit and explain the atmosphere and culture of medical school and residency that starts fostering this PTSD we suffer?

PW: We have fear-based training programs. And that is just not going to fly in 2016. I know there used to be a time when people thought it was okay to spank their kids and be violent with other people as a way to teach people. It’s 2016. The fatal flaw here in Western medicine is that we are following . . . I went to a really progressive all-women’s college, Wellesley College, and I was used to being treated well, being respected and told I could be anything I want to be in the world. Come on, Hillary Clinton went there, Diane Sawyer, Madeleine Albright. I was following in the footsteps of people who can accomplish things. We were told on day 1 we were women and not to let anyone call us girls. You can do whatever you want. Don’t let anyone hold you back. All the sudden I graduate from there and head to medical school in Texas to this good-old-boy’s backwoods anything goes, womanizers, hunters, racists, anything goes craziness. I felt like I went back 300 years into the past and I had because medical schools are training us based on a 17th century philosophy of reductionist medicine which basically just sees us all as a bunch of really interesting organs in a sack of skin. That is how they train us to look at people.

LM: Yes. Yes.

PW: So if you just start feeling like you are a machine, it’s because we are trained in a 17th century philosophy that we don’t have hearts and souls, feelings. That’s how they were able to do vivisection, take live animals and carve on them and they thought that was okay because they don’t have feelings! We’re just like really interesting machines so we can understand how the machinery works. We’ve gotten so micro. micro, micro one of the things I said during my talk yesterday “Humanizing medical education: How to grow a happy doctor” I said, “Isn’t it fascinating that we know how to do a lung transplant, that we’ve mapped the human genome, that we can grow human organs in a laboratory, but we don’t know how to grow a happy doctor?” Isn’t that amazing? It’s like that Martin Luther King quote: “Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power. We have guided missiles and misguided men.” Our spirituality has atrophied. We have a fatally flawed Western medical education system that somebody needs to call out so I guess that will be me. We’re in 2016 teaching medical school as if we are in 1647.

LM: Have mercy.

PW: What was life like in 1647? Is that how we want to be dealing with people now? That is one problem. Then mix that with capitalism gone mad and patriarchy trying to keep hold of the power. It’s time to respect women, minorities who are really the majority, ya know. 

LM: Right, Right.

PW: It’s time to respect people in our hearts and souls. We all have souls and we are just spiritual beings having a finite human experience. They need to get that in medical training. It does not matter if you can map the humane genome if you don’t have humanity. Actually it’s pretty dangerous for people to have all this technology without any heart and soul. Look at Hitler. You can have a lot of interesting ideas for the human genome, but if you don’t have heart and soul you’ll create major havoc. And that’s what we have.

LM: My goodness. You have started championing this message. You are out there in the forefront. You’ve given some pretty shocking statistics when it comes to death by medical students and physicians. Can you give us some of those statistics? How many physicians we lose in a year and how many millions of Americans will lose their doctor?

PW: Well, for your listeners who haven’t gone to medical school let me just tell you over one million Americans will lose their physicians to suicide this year, and again next year, and again next year, and if we don’t do something the next year too. We’ve got to do something because we can’t have all these patients call in for appointments and their doctor isn’t at the clinic and they can’t figure out why, because they don’t even tell them. They just assumed they moved, but really they might have just jumped off a building last weekend. This is just completely hidden, covered up. These people who’ve seen their doctors for 20 years, they’ve saved their lives. They can never find out what happened to them. All they know is they have to pick a new doctor. That’s totally unfair for multiple people. Just for your listeners who are patients, I want to fill them in on what this means for you. 

What it means for physicians is that we lose over 400 physicians per year to suicide, which is the equivalent of entire medical school of medical students just disappearing every year, and we already have a physician shortage. So how can we allow that to happen? That’s not even counting the number of medical students we lose to suicide, which is like maybe 75 to 150 a year, but we don’t really know. Why don’t we know? It’s not like we can’t figure out that they didn’t show up to class. Like I told them yesterday it’s like, “You do know when they don’t pay their tuition that they’re not there anymore, right?” Like where did they go? Why aren’t they there? They’re not migrant farm workers, they all have social security numbers. We should be able to track these people. Look, you track every move they make while they’re alive. You track every grade point that they aren’t up into the zone that you want them in. You track their step one and step two scores until you drive them literally nuts, making them want to jump off a building. But the minute they jump it’s like they never existed. Same thing with physicians now, some of these big-box assembly-line medical clinics are putting ankle monitors on the doctors to time them how much time they’re in the room. They’re scrutinizing every move they make. You might as well be a prison inmate. And the minute they die it’s like they never existed. They only exist as long as they’re a revenue generator for you, right, as a medical school or a big-box clinic. That’s when they exist and as soon as they stop generating revenue you have nothing else to say. Let’s just call it what it is.

LM: Wow. So have you gotten a lot of resistance from the medical establishment?

PW: No, I haven’t had any resistance.

LM: Really?

PW: I have people that are afraid for my life. I have people that tell me like, “Watch where you walk,” but I don’t feel resistance. People come up to me and they thank me all the time. Doctors come and tell me that, “You’ve saved my life, I read that article, I finally understand.” Mothers who’ve lost their children to suicide in medical school or residency, they read this book for example or read something I write and they finally understand why they lost their child 20 years ago. They didn’t understand, they thought maybe it was something wrong with their child. No, this was done to your child.

The other thing I want to say that’s pissing me off more than anything is this term “burnout.” I am so sick of this term “burnout” being used, because that is a victim-blaming and shaming term that then fuels the problem that we have [see You’re not burned out, You’ve been abused].These doctors are walking around getting labeled with “burnout”, which makes them feel defective. The reason why this upsets me is a lot of people that have been suicidal have told me that they were first labeled with this term “burnout.” which made them feel like, “Oh, there’s something wrong with me. I can’t keep up with the group.”

That fuels their decision to jump off buildings and buy guns and kill themselves, because they were labeled with a term that was created by our oppressors, okay. This was not a term that was created by anyone for any sort of nice reason. This was a term that is created and propagated by our professors and kind of well-meaning but clueless physicians who use this term that basically makes us feel like there’s something wrong with us.

Let me tell you, we were valedictorians, top of our class shining stars before we started medical school. There is nothing wrong with us. We were high functioning people. We were the kind of kids that like any parent would want to have. We didn’t curse, a lot of these kids are like, they don’t curse, they don’t drink, they study all the time. They’re really good, good people. That should be encouraged and they should be celebrated. They are the winners. Why would you take a group of such high functioning people and suddenly over 50% of them have “burnout?” These people have been frigging abused! We need to use the real term, which is “abuse,” and I don’t use that lightly. I didn’t just make this up. Read the United Nations Declaration of Human Rights and you can point out multiple articles in there that are broken in our American hospitals and clinics every day on their own employees.

How does this fare for patients? Not very good, because the doctors who are taking care of you have been abused to the point of plotting their own suicides during their work hours. I mean this is serious. This is why people aren’t getting the care they deserve in this country, and elsewhere.

LM: Exactly. I was reading your book, and you’re like, these letters are not just from the United States, they’re from South Africa, they’re from India. They’re from all over the world, because this is something that’s being propagated in the medical profession across the board.

PW: Yeah, we have exported our 17th century supposed modern medical system to the rest of the world. They have their own stressors of poverty and other issues in India compiled on top of this complete disaster. Let’s just call it what it is.  A treatment plan will make any sense if you don’t have the right diagnosis. What is the right diagnosis? Well, it’s not “burnout.” It’s not “burnout.” In fact, these people have been snuffed out. It’s not “burnout.” Their souls have been methodically removed from their bodies by a medical education system based on a 1647 philosophy of reductionism, which is a dehumanizing philosophy that literally believes we have no souls in our bodies. When you look at doctors, like nobody’s home. Their soul has left their body, which is why they’re a tough crowd to talk to and less animated, because they’re not home. They’re not home.

LM:  Can you tell us why you came to DC?

PW: They invited me here, can you believe that?

LM: I love it, I love it. What organization?

PW: AACOM, it’s American Association of Colleges of Osteopathic Medicine. They’re basically an organization that represents the 44 medical school campuses across the country that train over 26,000 of our medical students every year in the United States. I have to say osteopathic medical schools are, at least on their websites and their mission is to be, holistic. Mind, body, spirit integration, which is the opposite of reductionism, which is mind, body, spirit disintegration. That’s the basis of allopathic medicine, which is the MD programs. Osteopathic doctors are already kind of like shining stars in the solution to what’s gone wrong here. Not all of them kind of understand the ins and outs of a lot of things I’ve discovered, so they wanted me to come and shed light on this. They’ve been really, really highly receptive to the things that I’m saying. 

LM: Good, because I was wondering if you were getting any push back from medical schools, from residency directors or programs. 

PW: I have not received any push back. Can you believe that? The thing is, I’m a strong person obviously. I’ve got a thick skin and you can’t really offend me that easily. Even if you don’t like me it’s okay, I’m going to keep moving a hundred miles an hour right past you. So join me, I’m a fun person just speaking the truth with love. I think people realize that. I’m not in this to make money, not for an ego thing. It’s so funny, every once in a while like, “Oh, you’re making, you’re just doing this for your . . . Look, I didn’t get into this to make a lot of money off of suicide victims. When’s the right time to ask somebody for their credit card when they’re calling you and they’re suicidal? I’ve never done that! It’s so funny because some physicians will be like, “Oh wow, this is a really great revenue stream,” and it’s like, “Really?” It’s incredible.

As far as push back, I would say it’s funny because my dad asked me once, he thought I was getting a lot of hate mail. I haven’t had any hate mail, but all the time I often get told mostly by men or people older than me, they’ll say, “Well, keep up the good fight.” I have to say, “This isn’t a fight, this is a labor of love.” I just love what I do, you can tell by seeing what I do at my office. I don’t feel like I’m fighting anyone. I am celebrating the truth and inviting people to join me. There are people who, I’m sure, are repelled by me. The people who are repelled by me can keep doing the same thing they’re doing, which is, if it’s the status quo, it’s killing doctors and killing medical students. That’s your choice, but I don’t consider this a fight. I don’t consider this really very difficult, even. I’m just noticing the truth and speaking out loud.

LM: Wow. Can you tell us what is ideal medical clinics? Am I saying that correctly?

PW: Yeah, ideal medical clinics or ideal medical care. It’s essentially what happened is I was very frustrated working in an assembly-line big-box clinic. I actually became suicidal myself after 6 jobs in 10 years, because I’m not (if you can imagine) probably not a good employee. If I don’t like the way your rules are set up I’m probably going to bring it to your attention and you might want to probably fire me, maybe. Even though I’m a really agreeable, pleasant person, I will point out what’s not working. I won’t stay in a place that continues to do things that make no sense. I basically couldn’t figure out how I was going to work in alignment with the values that I had that I had written on my personal statement when I started medical school. I wanted to be a real healer, do house calls, have 30 to 60 minute visits. Really hang out with people and help them.

That wasn’t part of my job description at all these big-box clinics. They just wanted you in there 7 minutes in and out, upcode it, lie on the medical record. “Do whatever you have to do so we can get more money. We just need a warm body in the room and we don’t really care about patient outcomes. We’ll say it if we have to to get our JACHO, whatever accreditation. As long as we don’t get sued and we get the money we just want you on a treadmill. We’ll control the volume and the pace and you just keep walking.” Anyway, we’d been in paper chains for a long time in the dungeon, and doctors don’t understand they can just crawl right out at any time. You’re your employers only competitor, isn’t that cool? Just go across the street and open your own clinic. That’s what I did, is I have basically this idea that I didn’t have to be in chains in an organization that I have no respect for, so I left.  But I did get into the state of feeling really depressed. I felt like, “Is there any way to be a doctor the way I really want to be in this country?” I felt like it just wasn’t possible in the United States to be a real healer.

I looked around and I noticed the patients weren’t happy, and doctors aren’t happy. I got this amazing idea, “Why don’t I just put the end user in charge? I’m exhausted, I’m suicidal right now. I don’t think I can figure out how to run a clinic because I feel like I’m ready to kill myself. Why don’t I ask my patients and my community to design their ideal clinic and I’ll work for them. You all write my job description, I’ll do whatever you want.” And that’s what I did.

I led 9 town hall meetings in 6 weeks. Literally for 6 weeks I did not move and I was in a self-induced coma in bed because I was really depressed. Which my sister-in-law, who’s an orthopedic surgeon, told me, “Depressed just means you need a deep rest.” That’s what it felt like, I did need a deep rest. I literally didn’t get out of bed for 6 weeks except to go to the bathroom and let my dog out. The backyard was full of crap by the time I finally . . . Anyway, the point is I had this dream, like an epiphany, like a message from God almost. It wasn’t really a dream but I wasn’t really awake. I can’t explain this, it’s never happened to me at any other time in my life, where I felt like this pull, like I saw all these people coming together and designing their ideal clinics and hospitals, and people just as a grassroots sort of thing. Brick by brick, police officers holding hands with nurses and doctors and patients all kind of doing it together. It was this beautiful vision that I had, and I jumped out of bed, called the newspaper and told them, “I’m going to open a clinic designed completely by the patients in our community.” I was just literally on a roll for years after that, that’s all I was doing. I had those town hall meetings. That was December 7th, 2004 when I had that vision. January through March of the next year I had 9 town hall meetings, collected a hundred pages of written testimony which I have with me actually. I bring it often with me everywhere. I’ve got a hundred pages of written testimony here of what my people in my town want for ideal health care. I read it all. I pretty much told them I would do whatever they wanted as long as it was basically legal. I said, “Just write your wildest ideas and most crazy things that you want to do at the doctor’s office.” They wrote it all down and I read it and I could do 90% of what they wrote. We were open one month later without any external funding. Isn’t that amazing?

LM: That is awesome!

PW: That’s what I’m saying.

LM: That is awesome! You are able to duplicate this for other physicians that want to do this?

PW: Yeah, I basically help them understand that their patients are their greatest allies. When we work together we could create so much more beauty and healing then we ever could by ourselves. You certainly don’t want to work for an organization that’s out of alignment with your basic values. Let’s just do this together. What ideal medical care is, is, ideally, it is care that is designed by the end user where the patient (and I even told these medical school administrators yesterday the ideal medical school would be designed by medical students). They are high functioning, high achieving. They don’t want to sit and just jack around all day. They want to learn how to do neurosurgery. They want to learn anatomy. They want to learn medicine. They’re not slackers, okay? Stop treating them like babies. Let’s stop treating patients like juveniles and have them so dependent on us and annoying. Treat them like adults. Let’s start treating patients, as long as you’re not a pediatrician, right? And let’s treat medical students like adults. Respect them and put them in charge of their own destiny and their own medical education system and creating their own clinics and creating their own hospitals.

LM: I love this.

PW: That’s ideal medical care.

LM: I love it.

PW: It works, it’s not just like a little pipe dream I’m sitting here in the hills of Oregon just dreaming. I am serious. I invited people to do this. Literally was no effort on my part, I just read what they wanted and did what the people said. This is like the community mandate. All it is is honoring people for their potential and following them. A good leader follows the people. What do the people want? What do medical students want? What do patients really want? Have we ever asked them? Isn’t it strange that we’ve never asked them what do they want? We just hold all these people hostage to a 17th century philosophy of you’re just an interesting bunch of organs in a bag of skin.

LM: Yeah, we’re going to dismember you and figure out all the little pieces. 

PW: Yeah, and that’s how people feel. They feel like they’re trapped on an assembly line, they feel like they’re treated like a machine. Another thing I want to tell you, that I went to the medical library. I’m one of those people who stays up late at night and likes to read books and go to the medical library. When I was on call I would go to the medical library at my hospital, be the only one in there at midnight just reading all the books and finding all sorts of interesting stuff.

I found a whole row of books on Toyota manufacturing. What is that doing in my hospital in my town? I open up these books and it talks about lean something business. Basically what I got from that is they are designing hospitals based on Toyota lean manufacturing principles. It’s not just that it’s a 17th century philosophy that we’re following that’s so antiquated, we are also using out-of-control modern capitalism and applying Toyota manufacturing techniques to human services, which makes no sense. That’s why people feel like crap after they go to a doctor, because they’ve just been treated like they’re a Toyota and a machine who has really interesting defective organs. See what I’m saying?

LM: Pamela, I could sit here and talk to you all day because I am so relating to every single thing you are saying. It is just, it’s helping me because now I know I wasn’t crazy. What I was feeling was real, and what I experienced was real. It wasn’t something that was made up in my head. Now I have somebody else to help corroborate that story so that others can understand what this side goes through. 

PW: The thing is, it’s like we’re just having the normal reaction that anyone would have to a sick system. Patients, if you’re not feeling well after your appointment you’re having a normal reaction to a sick medical system. Medical students, if you’re not feeling well in medical school you are having the normal reaction to a sick medical education system. Physicians are having the normal reaction to a sick job that they’ve been stuck in, that they can get out at any moment including today. So quit!

LM: Absolutely, absolutely. 

PW: It’s not going to change without physicians standing up. Patients literally are held hostage by the fact that their physicians don’t have enough courage to leave their jobs that are not working out for them. Basically what’s going to lead this revolution and humanization of medical care and medical practice is that physicians need to, en masse, boycott these sick medical systems and be true healers. That’s what you wanted to be when you signed up for medical school. You cannot be a victim and a healer at the same time. Choose one.

LM: Wow. Wow. I’m looking at our time and we’ve got to wrap this up and round the corner.

PW: Really? 

LM: Yeah, I know. 

PW: We can’t just do a second segment and then you could put two out? 

LM: We sure can. It’s your time. 

PW: It’s fine, yeah. 

LM: Okay, wow. Yes, so we’re going to conclude this segment right here but we’re going to continue talking and we’re going to put out the second episode. I thank you for giving us more of your time. I want to talk about- so should I give a pause here maybe? Okay, I’ll just give a pause. 

PW: Thank you for having me, and I’m glad to come back for another episode. 

LM: Okay, we are back with Dr. Wible here in DC. She has consented to give us more of her time. I’m so excited about this. I wanted to talk to you about your TEDMED talk. How did you arrive on the TEDMED stage?  

PW: Well, apparently they had 10,000 nominations to do a TEDMED talk. It’s a real honor to be asked to deliver one. They picked 50 people and they had me on opening night. How I arrived is that, it was like an internal nomination. They were reading some of the things I was producing, the blogs on physician suicide. (I needed to get a cough drop, getting over a cold)

LM: Yes, we’ll get a moment. Let’s take a moment.

PW: Okay.  

LM: Okay, we are back with Dr. Pamela Wible here in Washington, DC and we’ve been talking about the subject of death by suicide with physicians and medical students. At this point, we were talking about how you arrived at the TEDMED stage. I know people are probably familiar with TED talks, they are talks about technology, innovation, and design. This was TEDMED though. This is the first time I was even introduced to TEDMED. I didn’t know there was a separate type of under the big umbrella of TED talks. You were able to be on the TED stage, and you were telling us a little bit about that. Your talk was about your passion; the subject matter that you champion, which is physician suicide. That TED talk can be found on YouTube online, can it not? 

PW: Mm-hmm (affirmative), yeah and they have a TEDMED site. You just have to google “Why doctors kill themselves” and you’ll find it there. You’ll find it on YouTube, TEDMED. 

LM: The letter that you have on the cover of your book, you integrated that story in your TEDMED talk. Could you give us a little bit about that story? 

PW: Yeah, that was about a physician, Greg Miday, who was this amazing nocturnist, which is a hospitalist that works night shifts at the hospital. He admitted the mosy number of patients ever at Barnes Jewish Hospital in St. Louis. He was this hard-working, super-smart guy. I mean, on his obituary legacy page there are patients still writing in thanking him for saving their lives, and he’s been dead for 2 and a half years. Is that amazing? It’s amazing that this guy dedicated his life to saving others and yet they let him fall and mistreated him in a way that lead to his own demise. 

LM: My goodness, oh my goodness. We wanted to start talking about how can the community get involved or how can people help. I saw on there there was a story, a mother. You were talking to a mother. A mother wrote to you and she started talking about House Bill 867. Can you tell us about House Bill 867? 

PW: It’s a bill in Missouri in the state legislature that basically is going to start screening for depression at all the 6 Missouri medical schools and making that data transparent and accessible to the public. Parents have no idea when they send their children to medical school that they’re sending them into harms way, that they have an increased rate of suicide, depression, and other mental health issues. You would certainly interact with them differently during their training and check in on them more, and send them care packages. It’s your right to know if you’re walking into harms way. This data needs to be informed consent. The public needs to know, medical students need to know. Medical students might choose a different medical school that has a lower suicide rate if this data was made available.

LM: This is data about the schools letting out data about how many students have either had or have mental illness or are suicidal. 

PW: It’s not to identify students. It’s an anonymous de-identified screening process. The data in aggregate is going to be made available to the public so that you can make a judgement.

LM: Is this a good environment for me to go into?

PW: Yeah, and the same thing with like infection rates in hospitals and other sorts of things. The public deserves to know what they’re walking into. You might choose a different hospital that has less suicide among the doctors, less infection rates. You know what I mean?

LM:  Right, right. Part of the data points. Part of the data points. Now as of right now, is there any type of support for physicians that are feeling that they need some mental help, or they need that help that they’re not, they’re feeling that they’re starting to slip away. They’re walking down that path, that, “I’m becoming suicidal.” Is there anything that we have in place today?

PW: No, there’s nothing we have in place today. There are little pockets of people trying to do things but there’s nothing on a national scale that’s available [specifically for doctors]. That’s why I sort of became the suicide hotline for physicians, not just in the US but around the world. Medical students keep writing me. Why would they write me? They have nowhere else to go so, of course, they reach out to me.

LM: That’s what I wanted people to understand. There’s really no place for us to go, even for us to receive psychiatric help or saying if somebody’s bold enough to say, “I need some help. I’m having anxiety, I’m having depression, I need some help.” You wrote about a doctor that would go 200 miles away, pay cash, and use a fake name in order to get help. We shouldn’t have to jump through those hoops. The reasons we do that is because when we’re going for licensure, when we’re going for privileges, we’re asked to check off “have you ever been under psychiatric care?” “have you ever had to deal with XY and Z when it comes to mental health?” If we check yes, what happens? 

PW: You have to go in front of the state board, explain yourself. Usually there’s a whole blank page at the end that you need to fill out explaining exactly what happened. It’s really none of their business, in a way, that you had a divorce and had to go to marriage counseling. But they want to know, they want to dig up everything that you’ve ever done that had to deal with your mental health care. You have to defend yourself in front of a group of people that you don’t know that are at your hospital or the state medical board. 

Sadly, some people end up getting turned over to the Physician Health Program, which is actually like a program that preys upon physicians financially to support itself, and has them in a, they send everyone into an AA style 12-step program whether you have substance abuse or bipolar or anxiety or bullying. No matter what it is, it’s like this weird one-size-fits-all. It’s kind of terrifying. That’s what lead to the letter on the front cover of my book, is that Greg Miday was sent into a Physicians Health Program. He did have a drinking issue, right, but he was never impaired at work. He liked to drink because it made him feel better with his anxiety that he dealt with in his free time. He never was impaired at work, yet they were on his butt constantly and wanting him to go 300 miles out of town and do treatment programs that were really demeaning. The way they spoke to these people was very 17th century. Belittling. At one point he called his mother from the treatment center. His mother’s a psychiatrist. When he got off the phone his little counselor there said, “Oh, what’s wrong, you had to call your mommy?” You know, you don’t talk to adults like that who are suffering. This guy is highly intelligent. He saved hundreds of peoples lives, and by your bad attitude and speaking to him like he’s some sort of a child or imbecile, it just shows that you have a problem. This, as far as where physicians can go for help, well the Physicians Health Program on the surface sounds like a place you might be able to go and get physicians health. However they terrorize people there. Letters from physicians who’ve been terrorized there that you’ve read in the book. I’m sure some people have been helped by certain programs, especially if they believe in the AA style treatment and they actually have alcoholism or something like that. But for the majority of people, I’m not sure that this is a helpful situation. That’s where we’re at. We’re in the dark ages, we’re back in the 17th century. We’re at the Renaissance Hotel so . . . 

LM: Yay! We can have our Renaissance!

PW: It’s time for a Renaissance!

LM: Suicide, death by suicide, is not just an event that happens to the individual. It effects the family, it effects the coworkers, it effects the patients that they were taking care of. It’s a ripple effect. Can you give us a little insight on the story about Kaitlyn and her mom Rhonda?

PW: Kaitlyn was, at the time of her death, a 23-year-old medical student, her third year at Wake Forest. She was like a star child. Straight A, valedictorian. One of those people, never cursed, so good. From a rural town in North Carolina where, gosh, she probably had the highest IQ for a hundred mile radius. She’s just a brilliant, smart person who was dedicated to helping people and wanted to become an anesthesiologist. She went to medical school. I didn’t, obviously, know her. I never spoke to her before she died on April 11th, 2013. But she, in my mind, just from hanging out, her mom reached out to me and was so happy that I was working on this. Her mom then wrote a book after her daughter died on suicide of gifted people and how it’s different than just people in the general community who you might see that they’re suicidal before they do a school shooting. You might sort of notice they’re not acting right, they’re not doing brain surgeries 2 hours before they shoot themselves in the head. The average person is decompensating.

Physicians are unique in that they have been so good at disguising their problems for so long that they can put on a show until the very end and be high functioning, which was her case. She’s a high functioning person.I feel like that maybe, this is me kind of feeling into her situation, being such a bright person can be like a curse. It’s like if you’re smarter than everyone else you could feel like you’re in a special ed class everywhere you go and nobody can relate to you. Not that you want to be judgmental on other people, it’s just that who’s your tribe if you’re super smart like that? Who can you hang out with that really gets you? I think she felt like when she got to medical school she’d finally be with her tribe of people who are as high functioning and smart as she was. But what happens in medical school is they keep these people so terrified and isolated they don’t have time to bond with one another and become friends. They end up just these terrified, lonely, very smart people, which is like a death sentence because loneliness, we’re social animals. Being really smart and lonely is like a double whammy. You can’t relate to a lot of people and what goes on in the world with the common man because you feel a little different because you’re gifted. You take these gifted lonely people and you torment them. They’re smart, they see that you’re tormenting them. They understand that they have now signed up for a profession that’s going to be a lifelong torment. They’re not going to tolerate that. They’re going to see suicide as the more comfortable option than continuing to be tormented financially with $300,000 of student loans in a profession where what’s the end goal? They finally get out of all this and they work at like an assembly-line clinic and are forced for 7-minute visits with OB/gyn patients and so your fingers are going in and out of all these women all day long. That’s really like joy, joy, that’s what you’re going to be doing?

LM: You don’t get to connect with anybody.

PW: Your soul’s purpose, which is the reason why you went into medicine, is basically shit on. What happened is that Rhonda reached out to me and I became really close to hear. On social media we were in connection. I was on the phone with her quite a lot. One day after I delivered a talk where I was actually quoting her from the book that she wrote about her daughter and I Facebooked her. I was so happy because we got a standing ovation. She never liked my post and she didn’t respond. Then I found out the next day when I went on her site, there were all these “Rest in peace, Rhonda.” She had died by suicide actually during my talk. 

This impacts, when you lose a family member to suicide it increases your risk of dying by suicide. This family has lost 2 out of their 4 members of their nuclear family to suicide. I asked the father. I went to her funeral. I’m sitting there with my hand on Rhonda’s casket and looking ahead at Kaitlyn’s gravestone with her beautiful 23-year-old smiley face picture on there with her little blonde hair. Perfect, didn’t harm anyone on the planet sort of sweetness. Now here’s her mother’s casket with all the earth torn up with the little fake green thing that they put for grass. This is very surreal, that now we’re going to have this mother be buried next to her daughter. I asked the father at the after party where you’re all hanging out with the relatives. He’s such a sweet man, and he’s not vengeful. He’s not the type of person to blame others for his problems. I asked him, “If your daughter worked at Walmart, do you think she and your wife would still be alive?” And he said, “Yes. Medical school has cost me half my family.”

LM: Wow. This has so many layers. This has so many layers, there’s such a ripple effect. You’re doing so much to help bring awareness to this and bring it to light. You’re also not just bringing it to light and you’ve developed these ideal medical clinics, but you’re also reaching out to medical students and physicians through a retreat. Can you tell us about that?

PW: Oh yeah. I actually just started. That’s actually (what happened to me is, this is very funny) is that I’ve been to a lot of therapists in my life. I was seeing this one therapist years ago. I wanted to make a follow-up appointment with her and she said she couldn’t see me the next week and I was like, “Why? I really need to come back and see you.” She said, ” I’ll be at a retreat,” and I said, “What retreat are you going to?” She said, “I’m going to Self Care for the Healthcare Professional.” I was like, “Oh my God! That sounds great! I should go with you!” And she was like, “Oh my God.” I think she just wanted to get away, I’m kind of a high-needs client at the time. I needed a lot of help. When I was messed up in medicine, I needed a lot of help. She called the retreat leader and asked her, she said, “Do you still have space?” The retreat leader who’s now my friend said that she could tell by Jeannie’s voice that she wanted her to say, “No, I don’t have space,” but she said, “Oh sure, bring her on.” She got off the phone, she’s like, here’s this woman who’s my therapist, who basically was trying to leave for a week and go teach a retreat, and now suddenly I’m going with her.

Instead of making a follow-up appointment, I’m following her into the woods for 4 days on a retreat. At that time, I have to say I didn’t own a car. I was doing house calls on my bike and I was just living the small-town cutesy lifestyle that you can live when you’re not in Washington, DC. The next question from my mouth is, “Can I get a ride with you?” Here’s a woman that just didn’t want to see me next week and now she’s going on a trip with me, driving me 2 hours and a half each way in her car and spending 4 days with me. I ended up in the woods at this retreat and it was really interesting, because it was mostly massage therapists. I think there was a nurse practitioner there, and they were just really loving. It was just a very therapeutic, I’ve never been in a situation with other people in medicine or healing arts where I felt loved and embraced, so it was just really interesting to have that feeling. I think that had a lot to do with me after, it was like 6 weeks or so after the retreat when I had my vision of the community coming together and supporting you. I think that was my first time, at that retreat, that I felt supported by my peers. I know they’re not medical doctors, but they were massage therapists and people in the healing arts.

LM: But they were people in the healing, yes.

PW: It was my first actual on earth experience of being with other people in my field and feeling nurtured and loved by them, and supported. That’s what gave me this idea that people actually, a community could support you and help you heal. We should put the community in charge! It lead to a lot of epiphanies that I had. When I finally was able to find my joy and my healing, I wanted to give back to physicians who certainly need a retreat experience like this. I went right back to Breitenbush Hot Springs, which is where that retreat was located, and I started running retreats there for physicians. I’ve been doing it, this is my 11th one coming up next month.

LM: Wow!

PW: It’s great, we have anywhere from like 20 to 50 doctors there and they hang out in the hot springs, which is clothing optional. Our first night everyone disrobes and we all sit together naked in the hot springs. That’s what doctors really need to do, they need to get real with each other and don’t act like you can’t see a naked human body. That’s what you do all day long, so stop acting like you’ve never seen anything like that. 

I went with my college roommate there once, by the way, it was so funny. We were getting out of the hot springs and she was really like freaked out. She started whispering to me because there was a 70-year-old guy that was naked in there with us. I’ve seen naked 70-year-old guys, haven’t you? Being a physician, the average person hasn’t. She was freaking out. She’s looking at how things are hanging, and she was freaking out. I was like, “That’s how 70-year-old men look.” 

All I’m trying to say is doctors need to stop being so uptight. They already know how everything looks, so just take your clothes off and sit in this thing. It’s full of lithium, it’s going to help you. This water is therapeutic. It’s really funny to see their little white coats hanging on the branches of the fir trees and all these doctors sitting there. We do it at night the first night. It’s not, they don’t have to, but I highly recommend it because it’s therapeutic just to sit in the water. It’s therapeutic to sit with your peers who are so shielded and have built up protections to be in such a competitive medical school environment. What we’re trying to do is have you be for real, at least this next 4 days where you’re off the grid, no cell service, no Internet. You literally are not on call for anyone except your own body for the next 4 days. We want you to be for real. I think everyone needs something like this every year, but doctors need it more than anyone. What happens there is we do educational sessions. Doctors who previously graduated from the retreat lead sessions on how they went from despair to bliss and how they’re running their practices. Basically, again, people who have healed themselves are teaching each other how to heal. It’s not like they’re coming just to hear me talk, though I can certainly talk. I just loved bringing these together.

LM: But it’s the healers teaching . . .

PW: Each other. Healing the healers.

LM: That is nice. 

PW: Yeah.

LM: That is nice.

PW: It’s great.

LM: Wow. I have thoroughly enjoyed my time sitting here with you and going through the book [community testimony] that you’ve allowed me to look through. I’ve just started looking at the front of the page where you were talking about, you’re asking the end user, “How do you want things set up?” One thing that jumped out at me, you asked a medical student. “What are 3 things that you would like to tell your dean that you’re afraid to say, that I’ll say for you?” One of them named Sam said that, “Medical school was the worst thing I could have done for my mind, body, and soul.”

PW: Yep, yep. He said that, “Medical school is the single most unhealthy thing I have ever done for my body, mind, and spirit,” is the first thing he wanted me to say. The second thing is, “I was on zero psychiatric medications and now I am on more than one and it’s just my second year of medical school,” and three is, “The only communication that the school has with us is through fear mongering and the upperclassmen just tell us to get through it and it’ll be over soon.” That’s our modern medical education.

LM: That’s it. That last one, in your book you talk about that physicians are told to just suck it up. Suck it up. That’s just the way it is. You chose it, you knew. You knew it was going to be hard, just suck it up. I remember being on call around the Christmas holiday season because we really technically didn’t have the time off. The residents got together to see how we could help each other have a week off. You take Christmas and I’ll take the week of New Years or however we work it. What’s happening is you’re on call every other night. There’s half of us that are there that’s running a full service, and the other half comes back. I remember at the end of my week that I was there I literally just slid down the wall. We’re doing our sign out at the board in labor and delivery and I just slid on the floor and I just sat there. I couldn’t move, and all I said was, “Nobody died. Nobody died this week.” That’s my sign out.

PW: Yep, that’s crazy.

LM: It’s one of those things where people look at you and they’re just like, “You knew it was going to be hard. You knew you weren’t going to get sleep. You chose OB, so you knew the babies were going to come at any time.” It’s not that I knew it was going to be hard and suck it up, but I wanted to be a part of a persons life at a very important time in their lives, and be able to walk them through that. We don’t have that support. I love what you’re doing because you’re not just saying, “Hey look, we have this problem over here,” but you’re also giving some solutions and giving an atmosphere where people can heal and can move on and be better, and be better healers.

PW: The bottom line is we’re all on a continuum between living our dreams and dying by suicide. You’re on that road somewhere. Every day if you make self destructive choices you’re moving closer to the suicide end, or if you make choices to live your dream, your souls purpose, you’re moving more toward living your dream. Unfortunately our medical training pushes us right down to suicide because it steals our dreams, our hopes and dreams. When people say, “It’s always been this way,” and, “Buck up,” and, “Suck it up,” it’s like, “Well, you know what? Tradition is just a bad idea held by a lot of people for a really long time and it needs to change.”

LM: That’s a great point. Before we leave the community and wrap this up, we usually have our guests give our community a tip of the day. It can be on the topic we’re talking about, or it can be anything that’s now in your heart, your mind, your soul, that you want to share with the community. Could you give our community a tip of the day?

PW: Yeah, the tip of the day, which is what I always write in my books when I was signing them, is “May you always live your dreams fearlessly,” because that’s what it takes, is a fearless attitude to be who you really are in the world, to be who you were born to be in this world and don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t. Living your dreams is the key to energy, to success. Let me tell you a little story about a doctor who opened her own clinic. After my retreat she went home, she has her amazing little clinic in Ft. Worth, near DFW Dallas, Texas area. She was so excited doing house calls, really spending time with people, that she called me one day and she was really concerned that she needed to go to a psychiatrist because she felt manic. She felt so excited about her life that she thought something was wrong. I had to tell her, “That’s normally how you’re supposed to feel. Remember when you were 3 years old and you jump out of bed every day and just run through the house and be so excited for breakfast and so excited about the next thing that’s going to happen. Adults are supposed to feel that way too! But we have given it up because we got indoctrinated and socialized and all sort of systems about how you’re supposed to dress and act and feel as an adult. That’s not the case. If you live your souls purpose, if you are a doctor in a clinic that you love and you love your patients, you literally will jump out of bed at 3 in the morning, can’t wait to get there. Everyone should be able to feel that joy for today and for the rest of their lives. Nobody can give you the instruction sheet on how to do that, it’s all about going back inside yourself and getting to know your soul and your heart, and really figuring out why you were born and why you’re here, and then fearlessly living in alignment with your soul. That’s my tip of the day.

LM: Love it. I love it. With that, we’ll see you guys here next time in the community. Bye now.

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